I’m in my late 20s. I’ve been with a guy that is my age since college, and he asked me to marry him this summer. He treats me well, I love him, and we have a life together. He’s more relaxed and less driven than I wish he was, sometimes. A few months ago, I then met a man at work. He has a doctorate, he is intelligent, fun, driven, mature, and interested in me. I tried to avoid seeing him, even changed jobs, but we kept in touch. We then spent some time together on a some informal dates and kissed. I told myself I was just trying to get to know this man better. But, we started seeing each other more often. We haven’t had sex, but we have had a few close calls. He’s been a charming gentleman, and is attentive to my needs. I felt guilty and conflicted about what to do with this man. I care very deeply for him. But, I do not think I have cold feet with my fiance/love, I just wanted to see what could have been. And now this new man is in love with me. It is almost the new year, and my feelings have changed. I still care about my new friend, but I am scared to hurt him. I think he cares more for me than I anticipated and I can’t return his love anymore, even if I still do love him. I still want to improve my relationship with my fiance, and marry him in hopes he will mature to be more like my man friend. I am concerned that I am leading my new friend on, and maybe giving him false hope. I never wanted this to happen. I’m too exhausted to continue two relationships. I sometimes wish my man friend would just date someone else. I also feel selfish that I want it both ways. He’s too good of a person to hurt, and in another life, I would marry my man-friend as he wants.

I’ve looked at other public posts, and I know the advice is break off my engagement with my fiance when you fall for someone else. But it’s not that easy. I appreciate that my man friend values my happiness, but I am not sure if I can think or decide by having my home finance and my man friend in my two separate lives. I am not sure I can keep myself from hurting my man friend any longer, and I may stop caring. But my fiance is clueless that anything is wrong–I really just want him to notice that he is not meeting my needs. Should I stay or go?