My marriage of 35 years is based on a solid friendship with a lot of affection. I know he loves me and I love him. We have three grown kids. We have one grandchild and another coming and I know keeping his family together is very important to him as he came from a broken home. My husband has had two major affairs that almost broke our marriage up. However, we managed to get through these and came back together. I filed for a divorce: he begged me to stay. While it was awful, we decided to stay and work on the marriage and we moved forward. During the time we were separated, he began online dating. In some ways we became closer and almost stronger after going through this. think he knew how much he had damaged me and having chosen to stay he made a renewed committment to stay married and to make our lives work.

However, I recently have realized that he never stopped his activity on line and I suspect has even met some of his “friends” . Years ago when we first reunited I found he was meeting women at Starbucks and then after a while he would just dissapear. I actually communicated with one of the women at the time. She said he just stopped calling and she had suspected he was in a relationship because he was never available at night. She said they had never been intimate…they hadn’t gotten there yet.

I thought it was the “game” that inticed him. I confronted him and he denied and denied it but then in a moment of weekness agreed it was stupid and I thought it had ended as our relationship has continued to remain solid and happy other wise.

How far these on line relationships have gone…I just don’t know. He is home every night. He is works from home and while I cannot account for every hour of every day…For the most part he is always accountable. However he does spend hours and hours on the computer. “working”. He must be careful utilizing private browsing because none of this comes up in the history. I have found two profiles on Match with no picture but that fit him to a T. I have also reason to believe that he has been seen at a starbucks by friends with a woman although my friends have only hinted at it and won’t come forth. (very damaging in and of itself).

I am 58 years old. I am in pretty good shape. I take care of myself. We are not as sexually active as we used to be but we are very affectionate. I think he is very aware that he is aging and maybe is looking for confirmation that he can still play the game. I do not think he is looking for a “relationship” but if ‘casual sex” was available…I am sure he would not say no. This is very scary not just because of the threat to our marriage and the STD’s but there is also the risk that it becomes a “relationship”. He is attracted by younger women all the time. He tries to be discreet. He also does look at porn and sites with Escorts and has done that for years. I have become almost numb to all of this. Its like my tears are drying up.

Can I really choose to live this way? What is wrong with me? Everything else in our marriage is so good. We have quite a number of assets and share a love of our family. We are getting older. We were entering a retirement stage where we would be enjoying life and relaxing and traveling and enjoyiing our family. We are building a house for our retirement. So many good things! So how come he needs this? Is it an addiction? Is he our relationship lacking? Are some men never ment to be monogamous? Crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Help please. I need advice and no longer can trust my friends and don’t want to as they are also in most cases “our friends”.