How should a father talk to his son about sex?
ReportQuestion
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
In India, sex has always been considered a taboo subject. As kids can't ask such questions to their parents, they find other ways like elder friends and Internet. Often kids have no idea that their source of information might be misleading / wrong and full of myths. As a father how will you create that environment where your kids can ask and talk to you about sex? How should a Father handle the conversation so that it doesn't become a dirty talk that happens with friends but becomes an advice. How to maintain that line between dirty talk and advice?
Answer ( 1 )
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
A good question you have asked and I would tell you what my father told me. Maybe it can help.
I was 14 then and watching television went he walked into my room and said he had something very important to talk about. At first I thought someone had complained to him about all what mischief I had been doing as child back then and that he had come to scold me but to my surprise it was something else. He was there to talk about what growing up is, what hormonal changes are, what infatuation means and what sex is.
At first I was reluctant to talk to him due to all the awkwardness but then he told me, “Buddy, you are 14 now. Your body is going through hormonal changes that means you are beginning to turn into a man now. Soon you’ll have beard, chest hain, hair in the armpits and other things. Learn to keep yourself clean. But don’t be ashamed of it because that is natural and happens to everyone. Just as we start getting hair all over our body, we even experience night falls which is what you will learn in your biology class in days to come. Now in women, women start experiencing periods. They bleed. Nothing to laugh about, it is how they begin their journey to womanhood.
Also hormonal changes will turn into all those sweet crushes you have into infatuations. You may feel attracted to your cousins, your teachers, some girls in your class or maybe even random women or girls passing by. Just remember, not every infatuation means love. Infatuations are normal and nobody would judge you if you get infatuated to someone. People would judge you if you don’t. So be natural and be very cool about it, don’t make a very big deal out of it as in you going and gifting a bunch of flowers to every other girl you meet. No. Never do that. Also, in a couple of years you are going to strike adolescence which might not be a very pleasant experience. It may cause frustration, anger, you may start hating everybody around you, even yourself and that might lead you to be mean to others. Your friends, and the media might try to corrupt your mind regarding sex. Just remember, sex is a natural process.
This is how I was born, your mamma was born, you were born or anybody on the face of the earth was born. And it is a very natural process, you will learn more about it in your school and after learning it might just happen that you will give in to your peer pressure and might want to try the novelty of it. Just remember everything has a right time. You never learned to cycle when you were six months old, did you? You waited for the right time and you learned everything in the right time, right? So will you with this too. But remember 17-18 will never be the right age for it scientifically. And however hard your urge will be, try and control yourself or if you are unable to, speak to me, I promise I’ll be a friend.
When your adolescence will pass which will be around 20, you will take an year to figure out what you want from your life and when you hit 21, you will fully get a hold of yourself by then. Just remember, at every step me and your mamma are with you and remember that you have to come to us first if you want anything or have a doubt about anything.”
This is what he had told me and I remember every single word of his. Those words of his have made me stand firm with my own morals and have made me believe in myself. And I threw tantrums during my adolescence but the way my parents have been friends to me, I will always be greatful to both of them.
I really appreciate your question. And if you are a dad and want to tell your son about his hormonal changes, adolescence and sex, go ahead and do that. Whatever you speak, speak from your heart, your child will always love you and be indebted to you for doing that. And I hope what my dad told me 7 years ago would help you too!
Take care! God bless you!