Is liberal sex in modern city life – immoral?
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I am 42 years young and Female. I have grown-up children in college and my husband is tied up with work from 9 to 8, six days a week.
I am healthy and work as a supplementary school teacher occasionally. More and more, I see the liberal sex life on internet and some close friends confirm their desire for the same. Sex is safe with all contraceptives and other protection. It is great fun and such a lovely experience. After lot of fear and doubt, I accepted a colleague’s offer and met him. It was very enjoying and so different.
I explored a little more and have about 4-5 adults in a nice relationship. I continue to love my work, life, children, husband and enjoy my family life FULLY.
My Questions:
1. What is the GUILT feeling to explore and enjoy sex with other men or women?
2. Does this mean that having desire for more variety in sex is immoral?
3. Why is it immoral? There is no harm to others, society or to environment. Two adults enjoy it. So WHY NOT?
Answer ( 1 )
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Yours has been a question that many have thought of but are not bold enough to express. I understand your need for explanation of why Society terms some acts as “good” and some as “evil”. You are right in that sense – where is the freedom, if Society interferes and tells you what to do and what not to do. I am not going to be judgemental and tell you if you are right or wrong, that is for your conscience.
Sex is sublime and one should get as much of it as one can. But this goes against the grain of marriage, where it is limited to one partner. For much of human history, monogamy has been the norm, but this is changing with a longer life span, increasing independence for women and relaxing sexual mores. You may be aware that in the West, married people create agreements that allow them to have sex with other people. Swingers have recreational sex for fun and sexual novelty. It is believed that polyamorous relationships will become increasingly popular in the future. A US report says there are 10-12 million polyamorous adults in the US alone.
This is as far as theory goes. Let us examine your individual case. Having sex with multiple partners is no doubt an aphrodisiac and keeps you glowing and feeling young. What about the guilt on the other side? Every time you have to look behind your shoulder to check that you are not caught. This is stressful. If your husband is aware of your liaisons and also encourages you to go ahead, then I can understand and give you the benefit of doubt. Is it not cheating if he does not know? During the phase when you were bringing up your children, you must have had occasion to explain what cheating was? Or does cheating not apply to relationships?
There is another pitfall. You never know how you or your sex partner may react about the emotional bonding. You may be strong enough to handle the lust in you, but what if your swinging partner develops an emotion towards you? It happens. Do you all meet as a group or are your partners, individuals who do not know about the others?
What about your privacy? You know a clip here or a snap there can destroy you. Are the meetings at your place where you are in control, or are they in a hotel or in place where your partner can cam clip you? It may be only for his/her pleasure and the thought of blackmail may have never crossed their minds. But it has crossed mine.
Another pitfall. Are you in a position to demand use of condoms before penetration. We always think that HIV and AIDS happens only to others. You would be surprised at the number of common folk (forget about prostitutes and gays) that it affects. The number one reason is multiple partners. Other than an HIV test, there is nothing to tell you that the person you are sleeping with is not infected.
Another pitfall. Sex expands exponentially. Once having tasted the forbidden, the body clamours for more sex, varied partners. What you did yesterday, is history and today you will want to experiment more. What do you do when this happens? What happens when your husband comes to know and creates a scene? Will you be able to stop?
Finally, I agree with you. It is your body and your Life. Who are others to tell you what you should do or not do with it? Act wisely.