How to get rid of cuckold thoughts?
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I have been having cuckold thoughts for the past two years. It is a fantasy for now and I would not consider doing it in real life. Recently, I have observed that the idea of my woman with another man is giving me more pleasure than the actual sex.
I realized these thoughts are disturbing me and I feel guilty after having them. Also, I feel these might create obstacles in my relationship.
I want to get rid of these thoughts and enjoy normal sex life again. Please advice me how to get rid of this mindset? And I would also like to know what leads to cuckold thoughts? The upbringing, experiences, loneliness or the genetics?
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Having thoughts centred around cuckolding are not as uncommon as it may seem. Many men fantasize about seeing their wife or girlfriend with another man. The thoughts of her cheating on her husband and having fantastic sex with other men, and then coming home to tell you about it arouses many men.
The humiliation of infidelity can be sweet and often a higher source of pleasure than sex itself as you have yourself described. Cuckolding is a fetish like many others and can be explained only by those who have this fetish. To others it would look foolish.
Cuckoldry is considered a fetish because its very oddity betrays a fundamental and age-old norm that is monogamy. Since the advent of agriculture and ownership of property some 10,000 years ago, civilization became more complex, requiring the energy and care by both parents to ensure the survival of their offspring. When a monogamous pair begets children, passing property on to one’s offspring requires one to be certain of paternity.
Monogamy is idealized and institutionalized in societies in which a lot of effort must be spent to acquire resources and establish one’s territory. Monogamy serves the common man with limited resources, it serves the state that needs an ideal to guide and control its citizens, it serves the elite who need a stable labour force. Polygamy is for the wealthy who can afford it.
As a Society we accept the old belief that monogamy is a virtue, and that infidelity is equated with immorality and emotional instability. Humans are not naturally monogamous. Otherwise infidelity would not occur. Nevertheless, we are taught to remain faithful to our partners and never stray.
How does this relate to cuckoldry? Cuckoldry contradicts the very ideals upon which monogamy is founded, and, furthermore, it contradicts the popular notion of men being territorial.
The typical Cuckold are men in their 30s and up, and living comfortable lifestyles. They are usually married or have remained in long-term relationships. They are usually alpha males with above-average intelligence, hold high-power executive positions in their work and earn above-average incomes. Due to all of this, they need more mental stimulation than the average man. The men are almost always the ones to instigate a cuckold lifestyle.
Paradoxically, the cuckold is the “victimized”, “humiliated” man. He is the one who experiences the most pleasure in this dynamic. A man with a cuckold fetish derives his pleasure from the mental anguish and humiliation that results from his wife’s infidelity. He is immensely aroused by the thought of his woman with another man, lusted by other men.
Being a cuckold is to experience a form of psychological masochism. It is a mental pursuit whereby the man feels jealousy, misery, gratitude, shame, sublimation, inadequacy, and lust. It is a mental version of sensation play in which the emotions themselves are the sources of pleasure, bringing out some of our most intense animal instincts.
Small penis humiliation is a point of focus for the victim. The other man is often more well-endowed, more handsome, and referred to as a “Bull”. The physical superiority of the other man adds to the humiliation of the husband.
Lastly, cuckoldry gives some men the chance to explore their repressed bisexual urges. While it is arousing to watch their wife with someone else, for some it is just as exciting to watch a naked man have sex, period. The wife who understands her husband’s bisexual curiosities would sometimes command him to service the Bull during foreplay.
Psychologists have attributed the cuckold fetish to theories rooted in evolutionary biology. Cuckoldry induces sexual competition among men. When we first meet our partners-to-be, the very fact that they were initially unattainable, and thus taming them would be a glorious challenge, is what attracted us to them in the first place. They are a prize to be won, and this desire fuels our pursuits. As a relationship grows and settles into a comfortable routine, the strong desire we felt at the beginning naturally subsides. We stop being the hunter.
The exciting world of cuckoldry ‘re-activates’ our hunter mentality, causing us to want our partners again with all the intensified feelings about risk and possible denial. This is further enhanced with the knowledge that although our partners have sexually strayed from us, we can still bathe in the comfort that they will always come home to us. Cuckoldry allows you to have your cake and eat it too.
Hopefully, by now you will have gained a better understanding of your own cuckold fantasies with a little more acceptance and proactive curiosity. The benefits of exploring cuckoldry is rich with emotions and sexual gratification when honest and open communication takes place.