How to reduce the frequency of wife swapping with other couples?
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We are Meena and Vinay, 38 and 34 years old, married couple. We are in swinging life style for last three years. My husband gets enough contacts frm various adults sites.
I was totally against this concept but he compelled me to start with at least for same room sex. We started with that and it slowly converted into actual swapping. Later, I also started enjoying this without much inhibitions.
Now, I want to reduce the frequency in meeting new couples but my hubby is too much addicted to this lifestyle. Some how he manages to get new attractive married couples from various internet adult sites and I also get tempted, after a direct meet in malls etc.
Now how can we stop this, especially as my daughter is 11 yers old now. She may try to ask questions when other couples visits our home.
Please advise.
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Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Swinging is a lifestyle and very difficult to stop. It can soon become an addiction as you have stated. Like most couples, it is the husband who first moots the idea, and very reluctantly it is accepted by his wife. It starts off as novelty and a promise that it would happen only once, but soon becomes a regular feature of the swingers life.
Some questions you have answered, but some I would like to know, to better answer your question are: length of time engaged in swinging, strategies used to find other swingers, main reason (rationale) for swinging, attitude towards swinging, frequency of orgasm during swinging sexual activities, sexual behaviors during swinging sexual activities, swinging frequency (how often).
There was a Survey done in the US and these were some of the findings. Most of the respondents held a favorable view of swinging, and that the great majority had been swinging for some time. Nearly one-third of the respondents had been participating in swinging anywhere from four to seven years while one-fourth had been swinging for over twelve years. Most of the respondents in this study held a favorable attitude towards their swinging experiences. Swinging satisfaction for both men and women was closely matched in this sample of swingers. More than half the men and women reported being highly satisfied with their swinging experience albeit close to 45% of the men and women reported enjoying swinging only occasionally. Less than .5% of the respondents said they did not enjoy swinging.
In responses to the question of who first introduced the idea of swinging to the relationship show that more than two-thirds of the men reported having introduced the idea of swinging to their spouses; in contrast, less than one-third of the women admitted to having done so. Regarding the rationale for swinging, most of the respondents cited sexual fantasies or sexual variety as the reason why they engage in swinging. Of these, about half the men and women reported pure sexual variety as a reason for swinging while a quarter of the men and the women offered sexual fantasy as a rationale for engaging in swinging. Less than 1% of the respondents reported engaging in swinging to satisfy their partners.
Most of the respondents reported swinging a few times a year with fewer than 12% engaging in swinging activities more than once a month. It seems that, for the majority of this sample, swinging is not a regular occurrence.
Here lies your problem. It has become an addiction for your husband. But are you not responsible for this addiction too? It is for you to control the frequency of swinging activities. Sure there will be discontent and disharmony from your husband. But you can still be in control. Since your husband needs your support to carry on with this activity, he has to bend to your will. Use this to your advantage. Refuse to take part in any further activity till he falls in line.
Though you enjoy the activity and the Survey showed that Orgasm frequency was considered to denote sexual satisfaction during swinging activities. Over two-thirds of both the men and the women in this sample of swingers reported reaching orgasm while engaging in swinging, either always or most often.
In this study, the respondents reported high levels of marital and sexual satisfaction in their relationship with their partners. If both men and women seem satisfied with their marital relationship, as suggested by the results of this study, why would they engage in swinging?
Routine sex traditionally leads to a sense of boredom. The answer given by the respondents in this study asserts that the motivation, or rationale, given for swinging is based on either a desire for sexual variety or sexual fantasy fulfilment. Traditionally, people seeking added sexual stimulation that cannot be satisfied by their marital partner often engage in affairs outside the primary relationship. In the swinging context, neither individual has to resort to an adulterous affair to fulfil his or her sexual desires or fantasies; they do it together as a couple.
Are you worried that if you refused to continue with the swinging lifestyle then your husband would have a secret affair? In this way, you have some control over his sexual partners.
It is believed that sperm production in a man is enhanced by the separation from his partner for some time. According to the researchers, the separation maximizes the woman’s opportunity to engage in adulterous behavior, hence the possibility that her partner is now competing with another man’s sperm to impregnate her. Knowing that your partner has had sex with other men may serve as sexual motivation, or turn-on, for your husband in the swinging context. Thus, some of the men derive pleasure from watching their wives having sex with other men, hence maximizing their motivation for engaging in sex with their spouses after the act.
If sperm competition provides a possible explanation for why men may engage in swinging behavior, what would be the motivation for women? Woman’s sexual desire for her partner declines with the length of the relationship. Perhaps in swinging sexual desire towards a new partner fuels the psychological sexual motivation and activity for both men and women by providing short-term variety of partners and enhancing sexual fantasies.
Evidence suggests that most often men who introduce swinging to the couple sometimes find initial reluctance from their spouses; however, a large number of the wives will be more likely to continue the couple’s involvement with swinging activities even when the husbands later try to get out of it. Your experience seems different.
You have rightly thought of your daughter and the effect this will have on her psyche. Do not be under the impression that she cannot guess why she sees different couples in her home and the fact that she is not encouraged to come out when they come home. Girl child are quicker to understand why her parents go to the bedroom with others and close the door. Be aware of the future of your Family. It is in your hands to control the situation.