Marriage proposal dilemma. How to handle?
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I approached a family with the marriage proposal of my sister since the alliance will be a good one. However they proposed marriage of their only daughter with me in return. There is nothing wrong with the girl, but I am apprehensive that this as it would complicate the relationship status.
My sister will also be my sister-in law after this alliance. Moreover it may have long term implications in marital life in case of discord between any of the couples. If I and my wife have trouble it will reflect in my sister’s married life since her husband will be my wife’s brother.
Same may be true if there is trouble in my sister’s married life because my wife and I will bound to have sympathy with our respective siblings. I am in dilemma whether to go ahead with the proposal or back out completely. Half solution i.e. marrying my sister into that family and refusing proposal of my marriage may result in my sister facing hostility from very beginning.
Suggestions/feedback needed.
Answers ( 2 )
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Yours is not a unique case, and you do find many marriages where the siblings in either family are married. The main consideration for such marriages, I presume are the costs involved in marriages that can be reduced. This used to happen often in the past, but as families became nuclear and split from joint families, you do not find this trend at present.
But, I feel you are right. This proposal should not be used as a bargain. Just because your sister is marrying, does not mean you too should, unless you are ready for marriage.
You have called your sister, your sister-in-law. This is incorrect. Your sister will always remain your sister. Her husband will be your brother-in-law. Since there are no blood relations, the marriages would be perfectly legal.
There are a few advantages in such marriages. The bond is stronger and there is a level of comfort. In an earlier generation, such marriages were encouraged. If there was any misfortune, and one of the husbands died, the other family would provide support.
But there are some problems too – Invariably the guests overstay and since one of the partners are blood relations, it is difficult to ask them to leave. Another problem is that of financial support. It is difficult to deny financial help when approached for assistance.
So, you will need to weigh the pros and cons before you decide. Life is always a gamble.
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First, I do not find any complexity if you go for marriage as it is now common these days. Moreover, it is not necessary if one marriage will be in trouble other come under same circumstances. You said that alliance is good than where is the problem? Do not think too much if the proposal is good go ahead. You will have a good control over your sister family, as his sister is your wife so you can solve the problem very easily if there is a problem. Go ahead if your sister future is good with that proposal. Marriage successful ration is high in such condition then fail.