Wife wants to visit her parents every weekend. Lot of arguments and issues only because I refuse to. Am I wrong? M35 F32 arranged marriage.
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My wife has a big issue with me only because I don’t visit their house every weekend. She visits them after work hours sometimes over weekdays also expects me to stay and visit them with her on weekends. We got married in 2022 and I have been visiting whenever possible and she fights with me when I don’t visit saying that when she can stay in my house with my family I should also be doing the same. I’m a very private person and use weekends to relax and spend time on myself. My wife works Monday to Friday and go to their house on the weekends which leaves me alone in case I don’t go. She has two elder sisters with kids who don’t visit that often but come to their in laws house with their husbands. I understand she has a responsibility of taking care of her parents but this is putting too much pressure on me. I sometimes get panic attacks in pressure which she doesn’t understand. She feels I’m showing attitude and don’t respect them.
Please help me out here 🙏
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I know we all strive to be in relationships which are unconditional ideally, but marriages, especially arranged marriages do tend to be transactional in nature. Especially nowadays. OP, your wife’s parents are also your parents now and it is only fair to treat them as such. If you expect your wife to treat your mom like her own family, isn’t it her right to expect the same from you?
You fighting with her on such a petty issue highlights the fact that you might not respect her parents as you do yours (which I know doesn’t come in a day) but if you won’t spend time with them, if you won’t give them a chance to treat you like a son and give yourself a chance to treat them like your own family, you won’t feel like visiting at all.
On the other hand, discuss calmly with your wife that you can start with bi-monthly visitation and see where it goes from there. Nothing is set in stone and sometimes you have to make adjustments to your life because you’re sharing it with another person now, every decision you take is going to affect her too (and vice versa).
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I totally understand where you’re coming from but you’re wrong here. It’s your responsibility to cater to your wife’s parents like she has catered to your mother. She lives with your mother and she isn’t asking you to live with her parents. All she’s asking is to visit once a week. You may not like it but take it as a responsibility and try to do it. Talk to her and maybe choose two weekends in a month where you’d visit. If you don’t visit her parents, you have no right to expect her to live with your mother
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Shadi k phle discuss krna tha sir.
I live out of town and i visit my parents place in months, and if i was about to get married and she demanded me to visit her parents every weekend. I would have said big NO.
And by your description, looks like you guys have in-laws nearby, visiting once in a a while is fine but staying there every weekend is too much , if person is private..
I couldn’t go to my parents place every weekend although its just 5 hours from my office.
Sometimes a guy just want to lay in the sofa/bed like a pig eating all day and if he is workaholic then he would like to work on something. But going to someone else’s place would literally kill the comfort zone.
There’s nothing wrong from the wife as well but these kind of issues should be discussed before marriage by both party involved. Straight to the face like:
i don’t want to live with your patents , we should move out . I want you to visit my parents every weekend. My parents are old and sick i want you to be ready in case of emergency to take care of them. Don’t want kids till x years. I want/don’t to work after marriage. I don’t want to live in you small tier 3 town. I will not be available for all of your extended family marriage. I am lazy af. Weekend pe muje khi jane ko mt bol dena