27, F, Muslim, in a relationship with a 34 M, Hindu boy from different state for the past 5 years. We met online and started talking in 2018. I was in college and naive (read Tom boy who recently started being a little feimine). We hit it off, he was the first guy I had some feelings for…so I fought hard for this, came to the city he was working in in the guise of an internship just so that I could meet him, and then moved my ass to this city (parents wanted me to go abroad with them) after college and found a shitty job (which was mentally exhausting) and around this time, parents started looking for Rishtas, got almost engaged 2 times, fought it off…and all the while I never really had any solid commitment from this guy….and in the middle of all this my evil mausi found out, that created a whole slew of issues for me, I stayed strong, and Covid happened, still I would find ways to talk to him and he told his parents in 2020, spike to them on phone, they said no, (major factors of worry a) no one would marry their 2 (out of 4) daughters if the only son married a Muslim girl, and b) I might take him away from the family….) And then I moved back to the city earlier than required and this time I rented my own house, and told lies over lies to my parents so that i could have this guy in my life. In 2022 he got his parents here to meet me and they still said no, and I assured them that we won’t elope and marry. All the while my parents were pressurising me to get married…I resisted Fast forward 2023, October I told my dad, he came here met the boy, didn’t put up much of a resistance, told him straight that Nikah has to be done (unofficially, I.e, no paperwork needed, and for that he would have to take the shahadah, which is the declaration of faith, again, no paperwork needed whtosoever) and we could get married under SMA. And then I also found that he was, in the side, looking at other proposals, actively, saw him message a girl on insta whose profile he’d found on shaadi.com, and later fo7nd that he was quite active on some sub reddits where folks do stuff….(saw a SS of a text where he was chatting up to a female) forgave him both the times (not that he fervently apologised) Fast forward to yesterday and today, he clearly told me that he doesn’t want to do the Nikah (and shahada, even if it’s for name sake) and he can only marry me under SMA , but he wants me to actively participate in all the cultural and religious stuff at his house. (I know that me asking this of his is unfair, but thi gs haven’t been fair with me as well). And yesterday, after months of back and forth I told my dad that he wants only an SMA and nothing more. And my parents want me to “close the chapter of my life and move on”. But I am not able to, I won’t be able to. I love him a little too much for that….its like I’ve poured all of my love into him, and now I’m just a husk. I won’t be able to accept anyone else I to my life….I am completely lost here…feeling like used trash. Lol.

Update: it’s over. I’ll no longer be seeing him.