I love this idiot of a guy who says he loves me
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Hi there,
I came here to post a question because I feel deeply hurt. I have this boyfriend of mine, who also happens to be my best friend, who kind of loves me as he says always but also is in love with another girl and that relation is what is known to all our friends.
He speaks like a boyfriend material to me, even discusses and plans about the future with me. The thing is I love him so much but I do not wish to be his option or some back-up; as he says if he doesn’t get her in his life, then me or one way or the other he will be with me forever. I guess he says this honestly, what do you think?
We even talk things beyond the limit as a couple would do. I am sure he does the same with her as well. I wish to keep away from these and stop loving him but I am not able to. It kills me to stay away from him. He does talk stuff like making love and things. I always hesitate to let him know that I MISS him genuinely and I need him. He plans for a date and making out, gives hope but I do know he will change it in the end as always. Lately I expressed my longing to be with him for a day as I missed him so much in all ways. He agreed, planned, we spoke all extremes, he gave me hope and in the eleventh hour changed his plan.
I felt so disgusted and dirty. I should not ever have expressed my such feelings to him. I am afraid to express it again and am even worried if I can after my marriage to my husband. I’m feeling disgusted, please help me with this entire issue, from his dual love until my disgusted, frustration.
Please note that I MISS being with him physically and also we have never had sex but have phone sex very often. That’s what makes me closer to this idiot.
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there are so many good guys in this world who’re either single or waiting for their true love.. try find out a boy who loves only you.. who cares and understands your feelings.. I can’t understand why most of the girls go for those guys who dont love them truly… try find out a boy who loves the real you.. as you said phone sex.. he’s just taking advantage of your friendship by fulfilling his desires.. and you being mad in love can’t understand that.. and I know you would not accept those line while reading this.. just accept you’re not his priority rather you’re his backup for his emotional if he doesnt get her then he’ll come to you. He wants both of his hands to be filled with opportunity.. he has got a good friend as you and taking advantage of you. Forget that guy and your unsustainable relationship. I know its hard, but when you will find someone who truly loves and cares for you.. you will begin to forget your present love.. just give a chance to your true lover.. he’s waiting for you somewhere in this world.
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Going by what you wrote in your question and the comment to an answer you received, I presume loving him is your guilty pleasures, so go ahead, I wouldn’t ask you to stop from loving him, but I insist you to work for winning his attention. You said he happens to be your best friend as well by which I presume he would converse with you almost everyday and tries to share everything with you, so just give him his own treatment; neglect him the way he often does.
This is hard for you, but there is no harm in giving it a try, this is a chance to make him realize what he is missing out by hanging with that other girl or cancelling your plans in the last minute or breaking the promises he has given to you etc….. a person can get to any level for winning his/her love but there needs to be some self-respect. You seem to completely throw your self-respect out of your window to satisfy him at all times.
You love him so much, but there will be some sense to your love only when he responds to it. For you to know if you are an important aspect in his life, keep ignoring him just the way he has been doing to you. See for his reactions and when he asks you the reason tell him straight that you’ve started distancing yourself from him because he never has been able to recognize your love and was always interested in his life leaving your feelings, love and you out of his life. Tell him how difficult it was for you to get past such instances.
Doing this, you can get clarity for yourself if he loves you or not. As much as you don’t like to put out your feelings, I suggest doing it because it is essential to express the person your feelings for him/her to realize what he/she is missing here. So just go and do it, at least you needn’t feel disgusted or bad for his behaviour towards you. If he says he doesn’t love you, take that as a wake up call and get back t living your life for you and not him. Good luck with this.
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You said you are 25, but to me it looks like you are much younger by looking at your question and the way you poured your emotion. I am one of those idiots, I was there, I can read your guy’s mind pretty well. On young age, there is a thin line between love and friendship, a guy often cannot see that when a girl can understand
In my early days I had a friend, my best friend who was a girl We shared all talks, I thought there is love, but she cleared that its all friendship. Once there was a new girl in her class, I immediately fall in love. I told my friend that I need to talk to her on something for which I was losing my sleep. She said dont say anything that will ruin our friendship. I didnot take that seriously, I wish I knew what she meant. Still I went ahead and told about her friend, she showed relief and arranged for a date. Cut the long story short, when my friend got in a relationship and asked my to check about the guy, I checked and cleared That was the first time I knew what I have lost in my life. I lost her when I didnot have faith on myself, I didnot see that thin line that she could see. Later I broke up with that girl as my grade was dropping.
What I can tell about your idiot is, believe from your heart that this idiot is still in love with you. There might be some reason he cannot break up now, be it physical relation, be it their family knows or everybody knows about this, he still is in love with you. Can you believe a guy tells someone as second choice? It happens not as you are the second choice, rather you are there and he is not sure how to handle a break up.
He might be idiot, and I was an idiot too. I didnot get a chance, but I would ask you to give him a chance Without all preparation, just meet him, speak your mind out and go back home. If he understands you, he will come back, if he doesnot want, he never will. No point living in a dilemma, not for you not for him.