Relationship in trouble with wife due to our non compatibility sex drive.
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I’m 30 years old and married since 2012. Our marriage was an arranged and we both are working in companies. We have no kids. After marriage, in starting we both enjoyed lovemaking and then after she gradually start losing interest in sex. She started complaining that I should focus on my career (she is more career oriented as compare to me) and should divert my mind from all things like kissing cuddling, hugging with her, which was impossible from me because my sex drive, and desire of sex increase a lot after marriage with passes of time.
That leads towards lots of arguments and fighting between us on bed in all nights and she start sleeping separately in other room and kept me refrain from sex all times and due to this. I get more addicted of porn and masturbations and we start fighting on other small things. I tried to make her understand many time that love making is important factor in marriage and I am also trying to switch for new job( because she think I’m earning less as compared to others relatives in our both families).
Due to all above issues she start living separate as a paying guest. And many times we tried to live together by compromised by our parents but we again fight and separated and this happen many time and still continued.
She told me many time during conversation on phone (we talk occasionally) that she has no feeling for me now and she just come with me just because of her parents force her to live together. I also tried to talk with her parents about all these things, they never get ready to hear and always complained that I do torture to their daughter.
I suggested her let’s both of us go for a tour or a trip and spend time together but she always deny all effort, which I took to keep our relationship better but she never cooperate with me.
I feel so helpless and miserable at that time due to lack of understanding and compatibility between us. I asked her for divorce (which I don’t want) many time but she neither want to divorce me (because her younger sister is already divorced after 4 month of marriage) and nor she wants to live with me. Now what should I do? Need all of yours valuable solutions.
Answers ( 3 )
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There are many red flags in your married life like no compatibility in sex, she is career oriented and you are okay with your career, she does not like romance, no kids, she lives separately etc.
It sounds that she does not want to work on the issues to resolve so divorce is the only option you have but again she does not want to either divorce because of her younger sister is divorcee.
What she wants is unclear and where she wants to go she does not know. It is better to dissolve this marriage at early stage since you do not have any kid it would be better for you to get separation from her, as she does not seem to be like understanding at all.
I am suggesting divorce because she is not willing to work on the issue. There is legal option for you to get split-up through court and for that better to take advice from lawyer.
If you are so much concerned and want to be with her then go where she lives, have words with her about your willingness to strengthen the married life. Give her two options either to be with you or not. If she is adamant on her decision not to be with you then send a legal notice to her for divorce.
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My dear troublesome…..
Sweetheart… have you ever seen an ostrich or heard about its behavior, At time of danger an ostrich hides its face in a hole assuming that no one seeing him and feels he is safe there, where the matter of fact is its only he is not seeing the trouble outside….
Honey you are not concerned about the real issue of your life and yet you are blaming your wife that she is not cooperative in bed with you. My dear your problem is not related with sex from her end I dont think she has low interest in sex. The fact is she don’t like your attitude towards life.
She wants you to be more successful she wants you to focus more on your career.
Darling… I suggest you instead of talking to her on sex you should discuss on the real fact. Tell her that you will try your best to improve in career.
This is a problem when matches are not compatible especially when girl is more educated or more successful in career. She wants her husband equal to her or even more…
Baby you cant force some one to be good in bed just to entertain you even if she is your wife.
you cant clap single handed give her what she wants and she will definitely give you what you require.
Mmmmmmm
Desertfoxxx
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This question seems to represent true condition of many many married young couple in India. First thing I would do is agree with Desertfoxxx’s thoughts. I am proud to resolve one similar issue with a young married couple in my relative circle.
Many of boys seem to have misunderstanding that marriage is only meant for sexual enjoyment and wife is to be a “tool” for achievement of such “joy”. Sorry, but this rude statement is true reflection of fact after I have seen many many point of views of guys.
In my opinion sexual pleasure is last of all joys married life. To make it simple, when all other requirements of each other (husband and wife) are met, sex is result of full match.
So please review your situation by giving equal weightage (50:50) to all aspirations of both of you. Work out amicable solution – not easy though. Tune your frequency to your wife’s station and listen to the “voice of wife” and I am 100% its easy case to resolve. Not a big or a complex deal
All the best.