How to build a gay relationship emotionally ?
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Hey guys,
Today I am asking a question purely on relationship but its something unusual because I am in a gay relationship.
Yeah you heard it right …After much struggle with my conscience fights, I figured I am Bisexual.
I am 20 yrs and my partner 21. We both met through a gay dating site. Its been a month since our relationship .
The problem coming in our way is ATTITUDE . Though he is a relationship with me, he neither listens nor shares his feelings with me. On the contrary he hides his feelings in order to look strong. Its just that we meet, we talk for 20 minutes, get intimate and after that back to home.
This sequence is going on from the very second day of our meeting. Since its first time relationship we both don’t know much about how things go. I wanted intimacy but with the foundation of love and emotions. This is the problem between us – we love each other, but we both feel that but neither of us express our feelings and all this is resulting in a meaningless bonding.
Please help me out guys. I just want to know how things go in relationships. What can I do to make an emotional bond between us? He has loads of attitude and ego which doesn’t allow him to speak anything and this disturbs me, so I asked him to change his attitude for me, and he said I will try for you.. but I know he can’t and now I don’t want him to feel that emotional bond is absent.
I know I have to change myself but how?
One more thing, he complains that I am not entertaining as he is, very cool party minded. This was because of my studies and never having paid attention to outside life. He says I am boring and this makes me feel less confident when I approach him and I don’t speak much with him as he will insult me. I think this is why he shows superiority complex.
Please help. Your Answer need not be specific to gays…so would love to listen about your relationship and how did you establish trust and love.
Answers ( 3 )
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Be it a homosexual or heterosexual relationship, what you are talking about is nothing new. Among a mariied couple the same often happens, there is a male who takes charge and a female who is a giver. On your relationship, there is a man who takes the other for granted, and you are the other male on this relationshp who is the giver. This is a perfect relationship, else if both turns out as the taker and there is no giver, this wont work.
Look at most of the arranged marriages, a guy gets a fuck, and sleep, the other is thinking of all emotions. He might have so many other things in his mind, he might not even love her, but wont give up the opportunity to have her, whicle she is being used and loves that little time of love. You are turning as a wife to this man, and in a way its a perfect relationship you are having now. If you love him, keep loving him as his wife, dont expect him to be emotionally attracted to you and love you the way you love him. Thats how most marriages work, this is the same way yours will work too.
Look at your neighbors, you will see couples having great life together, still the guy wont mind screaming to her and find her faults, still end of the day he will get back to his wife, the same is for you too, he is finding some of your faults, not to point out your mistake, rather being your husband he is trying to help you by correcting, as well as make you in his tune to be presented.
I hope this marriage of your works, though not in papers, buy still its a good marriage you are having. Stay as the wife he wants you to be, this will work perfect. Else if you try taking the charge, you will lose your husband. I really pray this marriage works, you are not the first person I know is on a homosexual unsigned marriage, there is always a husband and a wife, though both are males. And their marriage is working perfect as one has taken the husband’s place with his ego, manlyless, the other has taken th ewife’s place with love, emotion, affection.
Best of luck to both of you and your future.
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Personally, I am not in favor of gay relationship but at the same time, this is not even bad in my view. Coming to your question, you both are difference totally to each other so I think this relationship will not be long lasting, as your foundation of relationship is purely on compromise base. I might be wrong on my perception. I am saying so because you have mentioned few points, which are, create conflicts between both of you as this give me a strong feeling from your description that he is taking you for granted.
His attitude is worry for you; it is difficult to change his attitude as this related to his personality in case if he will change his attitude for you than it may possible, that it will only temporary. Second big difference is you both have different personally and thinking, as you are looking for emotional feeling from the relationship on the contrary he is reserved and hides his feeling.
Your and his needs are different from the relationship, you love each other as per you but this is not the same form his side (as you did not mention his feelings towards you). I am not sure when he finds another partner he may leaves you as you are not fit to his personality neither he is.
There is no standard theory or magic, which brings him to close you, as you like, as you cannot compel any one to behave you wish or you want. You need to give a serious thought to this otherwise; you will be in pain if he ditches you after your emotional involvement with him.
If you think that, you can handle him then communicate with about your difference to bring the solution; deep discussion may help both of you as this will help you to understand each other lot. Be clear on your requirement from the relationship and tell him clearly that you are looking for long-term relationship. Let him decide what he wants, give him enough time to decide and be preparing for a negative answer, and tell him that you will respect his decision so he can decide without under pressure.
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Hey Geneticsalbert,
First of all kudos to you for posting this question! I truly appreciate you accepting yourself as you are and also taking it so normally. Because in spite of what some people think being gay or bi- is indeed normal. I don’t know why it is still a ‘big deal’ for few people.
Now, coming back to your question, every relationship as a feminine and a masculine partner. That’s how we balance thing.And it seems that you are the feminine one in yours. But, it isn’t supposed to be a bad thing. Getting in touch with your feminine side has its advantages. Your partner sounds really cold but it could be because of two reason first, that he is still not comfortable being in a gay relationship and that is why he keeps finding excuses or blaming you to make himself feel better or 2nd as you said he is really egotist so for him his ego is more important than your relationship.
Be it any of the two, you still have to make some efforts in order to make this thing work and even after that if it does not work you should ask yourself that do you still want to be with your partner. Anyone be it hetero- or homo- can fall in a bad relationship. I know it’s hard especially when you love the other person but still you have to end it for your own sake.
But, if you want to actually work on it first keep in mind that it’s been only one month so your relationship is still very new. Give it some time. Trust and confidence needs time to build up. Also, to make things more interesting between you two try to be his friend rather than his lover. Spend some time as friends. Watch a movie together, play some outdoor games or just do some guy stuff as you would do with your other friends. It will help you both to be comfortable with each other and will keep things entertaining at the same time. Remember, emotions comes naturally you can not force them. so, you can make efforts n if it is meant to happen, it will.
I don’t believe that all relations have to be boring. I am not a very romantic person but I know couples out there who are together not because they have to but coz they want to.
So, I hope that with a little effort from your side and a little understanding from your partner’s side you both end up being that couple.
Best wishes!