My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years and have been living together for 5, though we aren’t married yet. We’ve always got along very well, and never really fought. We had been talking about marriage and kids and it seemed like we were on a pretty smooth ride as far as the relationship went.

The last 2 years had been a little difficult because he became unemployed and could not find work. I was supporting him and paying all the bills, so I’ll admit that it started to feel more like I had a roommate than a partner in life. We were still affectionate, but my personal libido kind of sank.

He finally got a job recently, and I was thrilled because I thought once the responsibilities evened out I would start to feel better about our relationship.

Then, not three weeks after this, I find he’s late to pick me up from work one day. While explaining he admits to me that he’s been text-flirting with this girl from his gaming group and he had invited her over to our apartment while I was at work with the hope he might get some physical attention (since I had not been in the mood recently). Now, I did not find this all out at once. Originally, he told me he had invited her over to end the flirting, wanting to do it in private so she wouldn’t be embarrassed. Later, I got the truth out of him because I thought inviting her to the apartment was really weird just to turn her down.

In the end, they didn’t do anything. Despite the fact the girl was obviously interested in a relationship with him, he turned her down and has cut off all contact with her. He tells me that he wasn’t thinking when he did all of it, and realized his mistake as soon as she showed up.

I’m relieved he didn’t go through with it, but what bothers me is he says that when he gets ‘in the mood’ it’s like his head goes all foggy and he doesn’t think logically. If my partner is not in the mood and I am, my reaction is to go take care of it myself….not seek out another partner, I don’t care HOW turned on you are. We’ve talked about this numerous times and though he promises he wants to fix it and stay with me for good, he also says he can’t guarantee something like that would never happen again because it’s like he’s not in control of it.

So now, my heart and trust have been stomped all over, and I feel like I’m going to be paranoid about not providing sex enough for him. I’m in this crazy state of limbo not knowing what to do. Instinctively, I’d like to fix it, too, but when he doesn’t seem to be able to control himself…even after 7 years…I find it difficult to want to re-commit.

Is this a lost cause? Besides this one thing he’s been an absolutely wonderful guy and I hate to condemn him for slipping up. But on the other hand, it’s so hurtful to me that he was even considering doing it, and can’t(won’t?) promise that it won’t happen again. What do I do?