Career v/s Marriage in a Relationship. How do I solve this problem?
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I am posting this question to get some suggestions and help to solve this relationship problem..
I met a girl on Internet a year ago and we fell in love with each other. We are emotionally attached and I i know she really loves and cares for me. I want to marry her and get settled soon in life. Our families also know about this and we want to take this relationship forward by marriage.
She lives in a city and I ive in a small town around 300 km away. She is currently doing her job and I run my own business.
1) She wants to continue her job after marriage and I have no problem with that. But I want her to come to my place and join any small company at my place or else join my own business.
2) She says she won’t get enough job opportunity at my place hence wants to continue her job at the city and she will visit my house weekly or fortnightly. But me & my family are not comfortable she working at a distant place and not living with me after marriage. I don’t want my wife to be a visiting-wife who will not stay with me to take care.
3) She wants me to come to the city but I am unable to do so because my business is there at home town that I can’t leave.
It seems we both are right in our approach while she wants to concentrate on her career and I want to do so in business. Is is there any way still we can get married?
Answers ( 4 )
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This is a common problem in long distance relationships. Whatever advice we give, it will seem we are taking sides. One of the parties has to sacrifice and move to the other place. It may be difficult for your girlfriend as she has to not only decide to give up her job, but to move to a small town.
City life is different from a small town life and it would be difficult to adjust. If it is your Family Business, why dont you get someone to run it for you and move to the City, but you will need to consider what you will do in the City. Since you may not be inclined to work, opening a new Business may not be possible.
You have clearly made your intentions clear – that you will not move. In that case the only solution is to convince her that she should join you at your place. As you have rightly said, a visiting wife or husband is too much of hassle and not really worth the trouble, and best avoided if possible. Marriage is meant for couples being together and living life together.
There are many cases where one of the partners is working or studying abroad, but experience says that a part of you lives in denial.
Whatever you both decide, ensure that you do it before you take the final decision of marriage.
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As you’ve guessed it right, you might probably break-up with events leading to this particular issue being fruitless.
Career is important but if you have to choose between career and relationship, it depends upon the love you’ve for your partner. There is no denying the fact that love is important, but so is money. It is what enables the life to run smoothly. I don’t mean to say that women should be house arrested and men should be the whole and sole bread winners but it depends upon your individual mindsets. I’ve seen couples where the husbands have taken VRS and stay at home while the wives work in offices. It is an individual’s choice.
As for your condition, I guess it’s a complex one. You’re young and have good aspirations, so neither of you wants to sacrifice your dreams for your marriage, which I must say is even better, but who am I to say that? There is no amicable solution to this problem. Since you’ve already asked her to relocate and find another job to which she isn’t ready as yet, I guess there are no other options left. You going there isn’t easy because you unlike her are in a business which is hard to shift places.
Whatever you do, don’t hate each other; try to come to terms with your break-up if you so decide. Good luck.
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Either she has to leave her job and get a new job in your town or you have to shift your business where she is doing her job. Whatever is compatible you both should have to take decision and go for marriage without compromise you cannot go for marriage. Compromise is the foundation of your marriage. In this situation best way is, she may shift her job to your place as in first place it is an easy to do it then you moves your business to her place. It might be a situation that there are less opportunity for a job but sincere effort will made in right direction may give her better job.
I think you both should have to discuss this matter before involving in relationship but you did not so trouble arises. Therefore, discuss with her in clear manner that your business and family are not able to move in another city as your business is flourishing here and try to convince her. You may take the help your family members and if possible try to talk to her parents so they can make her understand. If nothing is work out and you think she really loves and cares you than go for marriage with current situation as most of the matters are settle down once you are into it. However, consider her genuine love for you before taking decision as her love is the ultimate key for your successful marriage life. I do not why I am feeling that matter is not what she is saying try to know her real fear to marry you. Is it any other problem, which she does not discuss with you, keep your third eye on.
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1) you are completely right and justified at your place. Every man wants a wife who takes cares of him and his family.
2) Marriage is the last stage of love where a person commits to his partner that he will always be there in ups and downs and will always support his partner.
3) thinking about career is not wrong but at what cost? cost of marriage.. definitely not. People who value money and career more than relationships are never proper husband/wife material.
4) there is no problem with working wives concept but what’s the point of having a wife if she is not there to share your everyday problems and feelings.
5) tell her to come to your town as it is very obvious that it is very difficult to relocate established business. If she really loves you she will definitely agree to your proposal and stay with you. But if she says no, it means she values career more than love and in that case you should leave her as this does not stop here.
She says after marriage she would come home every fortnight…. what if she gets a promotion and tells you she is going aboard and would see you every one year. What will you do in that case?. If she truly loves you she will not live without you even a day, leave aside 15 days that too after marriage. Who wants to live like that? Nobody…
6) as you have described her, she appears ambitious which can be harmful. Compromise is very crucial part of relationships and if someone is not willing to back down then that relationship cannot survive.
7) Tell her you have thought about it very well and if she truly loves you she should come to your town. Mutual agreement should be there. Of course you cannot force her as she too has her own wishes and dreams.
so ask her to come stay with you in your town or else wish her all the best and leave her as she is out there for something else and it’s not love. If she truly loves you she will feel bad for this.
A very good point has been made in the answer given by alpesh kapdi. This issue is not a big one but there may be some other reason behind this situation. Try to find out the real reason behind her denying to move the your city. She may be not interested to get married and hence is just making up excuses to delay or call off the marriage.
if any further doubts please leave a comment.
Take care.