Do I tell my to-be Fiancee (in a marriage proposal) about my high sex drive?
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Hi Members,
I will be getting married in a year or two. I’m 28 years old, male, good looking and a virgin. I live inthe Southern part of India. This doesn’t mean I’m a South Indian by tradition. Okay, so I’ve a question on my mind that is bothering me, considering my social background. My marriage will be the typical upper-middle class, Indian marriage. I never had a GF all my life and I do not have the time to consider one.
My parents are separated and I live with my mother. My father cheated on my mother numerous times and he committed adultery and what not. He left us when I was only beginning my teenage years. Now the problem is I have an usually high Sex drive and if I dont release “it”, “atleast” once in a week then I get night falls. I have not talked about this problem to my mother but I think she knows.
When I would be seeing a girl for marriage, should I tell her or not that I have this very high drive and I masturbate? As you must be knowing when in arranged marriage the guy’s family looks at the prospects on the matrimonial website visits/contacts the bride’s family and then the parents decide that they should let their children meet first for coffee outside in a restaurant and see how it goes. So during this meeting would it be wise to tell the future wife that I have a very high sex drive? and that I would like to marry someone who has similar drive? or you think it would be too much to “reveal” before marriage and might be offending as well?
I’m in confusion here because on one side if I did tell the bride about it will might mean two things for her:
1) I consider her as a sex object.
2) I might cheat on her in future because of my drive or that I think too much about sex (which isn’t the case) or me being a sex maniac or porn addict.
Another side to this is: I dont tell her and then two things happen:
1) If she has low drive, my life would be a disaster just like my mother’s who is now separated.
2) If she later post-marriage finds about my drive, it might create some doubts in her mind that I may become like my father (which certainly I won’t) and things might go further from there onwards.
So you see I’m in dilemma. I dont want my marriage to become like my parents (because of my father). I don’t want to come off as a very sexual person. But I cant get rid of my high drive either. Its like its there 24/7 and very hard to contain. Even I do release it , after about 30 mins or so I’m back to where I was prior to releasing it.
I dont know if you guys can relate to it or not. But I dont want to get married only for sexual reasons either. I want my post marriage life to be normal. I might be overthinking here but given the fact that my own parents are separated, their marriage being a disaster, my concerns are genuine, isnt it?
So tell me guys what should I do in such a situation?
Answers ( 2 )
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You have not had any girl in your life yet and you had not sex so you do not know about what is called high sex drive or not in the first place. You are thinking about the sex too much because you are curious about the sex and you have not experienced it which all the men do feel when they are unmarried so you are not alone.
Even if you have high sex drive then that does not mean that your marriage life will be disaster if you find a partner who does not share the same sex drive. There is no need to discuss about your sex drive as it would come off as you are a pervert man who only thinks about the sex and you may lose the chance of getting a good partner.
Just marry a girl who you feel would be a good partner and sex part would be fine once you are into it so do not over think it too much. Even if you ask your girl whether she has a high sex drive or not then she cannot give you the true answer as without having sex for years she cannot be sure whether she has high sex drive or not. Just thinking about sex too much does not consider as a high sex drive.
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Your childhood experience is colouring your views about the future. You have been through traumatic times and it is natural that you fear the worst in your marital life. But Life need not be so.
I cannot understand the basis on which you say that you have a high sex drive. At your age, most men would be having that. You said that you masturbate maybe once in a week, which is very reasonable and shows your control. Getting night falls, is nature’s way of releasing the tension which builds up, when semen is not discharged. There must be many Users here who masturbate, once a day if not more and none of them will be thinking that they have a high sex drive.
If it bothers you, that your spouse may not match up to your expectations, what is stopping you from finding a Girlfriend. But then, you said you don’t have the time!! If you want to test the waters, then you will need to have sex with your partner before marriage.
It would be odd, if you spoke about your Sex drive, to your prospective partner. You can bring up the subject about sex in general, after you have courted each other for some time, but definitely not in the first few rounds of meeting. You have rightly said, what she and her Family would think about you!!
In most arranged marriages, sex compatibility is a gamble. If you had some sort of fetish, like kissing feet, being a slave, enjoying being peed on by your partner, then I would say, that you need to talk about it. But a high sex drive, which you can’t quantify…..no.
Most Couples, when they are just married, would have sex daily. You are masturbating once a week….that is not high sex drive. You say, that you don’t want to get married only for sexual reasons. But that is all that you are thinking about.
Life is what you make of it. Not what your parents did with their Lives.