Do we truly love each other or are we using each other for lust?
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Hi to all,
My heartful Thanks to those who answered my previous questions and provided me with such great knowledge.
I am crying while typing this as I am feeling guilty and I hate myself for doing such dirty and disgusting sex acts with my husband within this short time in my married life. But I didn’t do these all disgusting acts intentionally, whatever I did was only for my husband’s wish. But now a days I am addicted to his sex acts even though I feel disgusting and dirty.
I don’t know why I am unable to stop him. When he came with new idea I can’t say no at him. I knew it was dirty but I am unable to stop him. Sometimes I did these dirty things only for gifts, necklace etc. I allowed him to do anal sex on first night. That was my big mistake in my married life. I really got lot of pain in my anus and excreted on the bed. Then also, he did not stop to fuck my anus, he continued till ejaculation.
But, he really loves me lot. He brings me what I want and gives me money for my shopping and takes me for movies, restaurants, parks, shopping malls, he brings dresses, ornaments etc. He really shows lot of affection towards me. At that time, I felt that I should give him what he wants from my side because he gave me everything I asked for. May be this is the reason for I am unable to say no at him when he comes with a new sex thought.
Whenever it comes to sex, he becomes really wild and behaves like a beast. Sometimes, I felt that I am married to an animal and having sex with this animal. I know lots of people have anal sex but they clean their anus before anal sex. But my husband never allows me to clean my anus before anal sex. Sometimes, I am unable to control and did excretion on bed. He told me to suck his penis after fucking my anus. At that time lot of shit was stuck on his penis, but I sucked his penis and cried.
Sometimes, he did excretion on my breasts, navel, vagina, and on my face while anal rimming. I also did all these things on him as per his wish only. And he likes my fart smells too. We did all our toilet activities in front of each other, sometimes we did our toilet activities together, and urinate on each other and often drink each other’s urine. He does vaginal sex without interest in it and only to please me.
My questions are:
1. What makes me to do such dirty disgusting sex acts? Do I do it only for his love?
2. Am I abnormal and perverted?
3. Why I was unable to tell that that I don’t want to do these dirty things?
4. Why do I get convinced at all times by him?
5. Do we really loves each other or are we using each other only for getting pleasure?
6. Why I am addicted to his sex acts even though I know they are disgusting and dirty?
thank you
Answer ( 1 )
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What are your deepest desires first ??
Do you feel deep down inside, deep within your basic character that you like to be nay love to be dominated by your husband ??
You like to perform your husband’s wishes just because you like to be dominated by him, you want him to take his masculine energy and take over you and it makes you feel satisfied causing a huge endorphin rush into your system. This endorphin rush confuses you makes you fall in love with your husband. This rush makes you want it more and more until you get bored of it. This rush is what makes couples who have sex love each other in the beginning
For the time being you are addicted to this rush and since you are getting it only from your husband you crave him more.
Are you abnormal or perverted ??
Well not really, many people like to be dominated on and since 50 shades of gray has sold more than a million books, you have more than a million people who like to be dominated. Some women are so submissive to their husbands that they even have rape fantasies about their husbands. These women want their husbands to tie them up and forcibly have sex with them. These are not my words, these are the reviews that I’ve got from women who read the book repeatedly. Some people just want to be dominated upon. You should be very happy with your married life because while you are submissive, your husband is dominating which makes your character to perfectly balance out his. Very few people get that in arranged marriages.
You can’t stop your husband because you love it. You call it dirty just because society has told you so. You call it disgusting because society has taught you that the man and the women are equal, but it’s very clear that you want to be submissive to your husband. Deep down you want to be dominated but on the surface you want to abide by what society has taught you. This fight between your deep desires and the societal norm is causing the emotional turmoil within you making you confused and makes you cry. You still have to choose what you want, until you do, you’re gonna continue being confused. You can choose your deepest desires or societal norms, nobody will oppose both. You can always keep your secrets in the bedroom and wear proverbial mask outside, but within your pyche you will still have to fight the two opposing virtues
All newly weds will be in the honey moon period usually up until the first year of marriage. Lust plays a great part in this period. Only after this 2 years(for some its 5 or 7 years) time frame can you deeply love and understand your partner . Sexual gratification plays a great part in a relationship. If it’s not got then most relationships go into a slow demise. Just look at how many of the vast majority of the long distance relationships that end due to the lack of physical intimacy.
You keep wanting to be submissive because that’s what you want. Every time your husband dominates you, endorphins and dopamine make sure that you want more and more of it until the pleasure centers of your brain are satisfied or regress. Till that happens you’ll be hungry for more