Does sex become a boring routine after some years of marriage?
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Dear Anjali ji and friends,
I have seen some couples, in the initial stage of their married life they are so close to each other showing ultimate care, love, passion and affection to each other. I felt they are ideal couples. After some years, I met the same couple but I felt a strange gap between them. That initial love and passion has faded away.
Does this happen with most couples? Does this happen with sex also? Does the initial pleasure and freshness, lose itself and become a boring routine? Is boring in sex life the main reson for incresed extra matrial affairs?
Pls answer.
Regards,
Ng
Answer ( 1 )
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niceguy,
If I were to give you a chocolate cake everyday and ask you to eat it, what would be your reaction? You will get bored. You will ask for a chocolate cake one day, cream cake the next day, icing cake the next etc. Marriage is like that.
Marriage is like a plant that you have to water and nurture everyday to see it grow or it will die. You have to make it happen. Just hoping that a marriage will be great will not work. Have you seen a performer at an event? The performance looks so flawless and classy, but you are aware of the patience, perseverance and practice that has gone into making it the act that it looks. You have to make it happen.
Marriage is a joint effort. It cannot work solo. Do things together. How many men and women watch the same programme on TV together? Marriage is about sacrifice. Going for walks together, going to the movies – just the two of without the children and parents. Marriage is about friendship. It is easier to communicate with a friend and if your spouse is also your friend, then it makes it easier.
Another important point is sex. We on this Forum, come across so many cases where the sex is almost non-existent. Sex helps bonding. It is not only a physical need, but also an emotional one. Sex, after years in marriage does not just happen. You have to work towards it. When you are just married, you have sex on your mind all day, but as you progress in your career and life and have children, other mundane things like washing the dishes or preparing for the next day’s presentation takes precedence. It is here that you need to have a schedule for sex.
Sex helps you to talk, telling each other what you want, developing friendship, feeling intimate and having fun in bed.
Marriage is about forgiveness. All too often we carry our grudges to bed and the next day, next week and sometimes next month. This is a sure sign of marriage leading to disaster.
Men believe that getting a woman into bed is a conquest and once they achieve that they lose their hunting instincts and this leads to sex becoming a chore or a duty. Women also feel that once they have got the man of their dreams, it is the end and they no longer need to be well groomed and weight conscious etc.
This answer is from a man who is married 32 years!