I am sorry for such a long post. Just wanted to put out my confusion/frustration and get some advice. Early last year I found out that my husband of 20 years was emotionally involved with a married co-worker. He admitted to having a temporary crush on her, but assured me that it was over. I know that my husband has continued to be friends with the women I mentioned before, which was okay with me. Around March he himself came and told me that he confessed to the women that he had had a crush on her but now he is past it and he would like to just continue to good friends. That confused me. Why bring it up at all, if he is past it? Apparently it was to “make the matters end from his side”. Whenever he is town on a weekday (quite rare), he has been rushing off to office at times with some sudden excuses…now I find that it is to be able to see her…based on her work schedule. He could have just told me that he was going to office to meet her, instead of some lame excuses. Finally I got desperate and peeped into his skype chats with her (which are numerous) and in the last one he was begging her to give him some face-to-face time, at any terms that worked for her. The chats are peppered with all the phrases of gentle endearment that uses for me! Am I overreacting, being too possessive or jealous if the relationship is not physical?
I am really hurt because of the dishonesty involved here, esp. from a man who puts open communication and honesty above all things! Also, at this point, it is not about the woman, but him. One thing I gathered while perusing the chats is that for last few months the woman says she has something to talk to him, but it has to be face to face. My husband is 90% of the time on travel. Those rare weekday when he is in town, he is doing his sudden rushing off to office based on her sms, and the face to face meeting still seems to be pending!
I am certainly going to have a talk with him when he gets back in town. Drastic steps as separating I am unwilling to consider, since that will seriously disrupt the lives of our two children, but this strange subterfuge/undercurrent is creating mental havoc for me. I know one of his answers already, she is just someone he “cares deeply about” (said it to her several times in the chats over last few months) and is trying to be there for her in her personal difficulties. Even if I am to blindly accept that, why the secrecy? Why not just tell me that he is off to meet her at the office?
In fact what makes it so confusing is that our relationship is great to all appearance. We joke around, don’t have big arguments, have sex often… He repeatedly thanks me for being a part of his life, how much I mean to him, etc. He does say quite often that — I am too negative minded (glass half empty kind…) and need to start being more positive.– I am trying to be positive, cheerful, etc. but with this constantly on my mind, it gets hard. I am not the prying kind, and it is already weighing on me that I sneaked into his skype. Not sure what prompted me to do that suddenly??