Background: I am 25 weeks pregnant with our first child, and I will admit I have not had much of a sex drive while pregnant. Before getting pregnant, sex for me and my husband had decreased in frequency because I had 2 cone biopsies and a LEEP procedure, so I couldn’t have sex for weeks at a time. At several points while DH and I were dating, I found porn sites in his browsing history and was actually asleep in the next room one night while he masturbated in front of the computer. Why couldn’t he come in and see if I was interested?

Anyways, I’ve always considered myself to be open about sex/porn with whomever I’m in a relationship. I can tell that my husband is not as comfortable talking about sexual issues. When I brought up his internet porn history, I told him to just delete it so I wouldn’t see it and I would appreciate him not masturbating 12 hours or less after we had sex. Fine, he started clearing his browsing history. I eventually bought some videos for us to watch together and he eventually shared his video clip collection for us to enjoy together. Videos which he claimed were acquired during college and all free clips.

A few months before I got pregnant, I realized he was making a habit of getting up early so he could watch porn and masturbate in front of the computer. I called him on it, very nicely I might add, and he said that he did it because we weren’t having sex as often and that the porn wasn’t important to him and he would stop. However, he also said that I was sending him mixed signals by buying porn videos for us. I said it’s one thing for us to enjoy together, it’s something else for him to sneak off while he thinks I’m asleep to watch God knows what and again sometimes the morning after we had sex.

Well, I ordered some Skin So Soft oil a few days ago and found a bunch of oil spots around his computer–gees I wonder why. Not only that, but when he got up in the morning, I heard him open up one of our porn DVD cases that we keep in the bedroom before heading downstairs. I found the disk hidden in another disc sleeve at his desk. WTH?? I put the disk back in its case, so this morning he reached for his trusty hard drive which I explored–there are hundreds of video clips and there was even a receipt. Free clips huh? I’ve actually felt a little friskier this week and I have been very physically affectionate with him as well. He knows I’m usually friskiest in the morning, yet that’s the time he never tries–he just heads straight down to his computer.

I’m getting so tired of bringing this up with him. I deleted some of his videos because I was so MAD. Anytime I do bring it up, I don’t feel like he’s being honest with me. I don’t feel like he is capable of completely relaxing when we have sex, only when he uses porn to masturbate. There have been times in our history when he couldn’t climax through sex and had to finish himself off and even then had a hard time. I truly think it’s because he can only feel sexually comfortable with the computer. I fear that me constantly having to bring this up is only going to distance us, yet knowing what he’s sneaking off to do might cause me to distance myself from him anyways. I guess my biggest issue is that no matter what we do in the bedroom or how often we do it, or how open I am about porn/toys, etc., he can’t stay away from the computer. I don’t know what to do anymore.