Had sex with my sister-in-law in a moment of madness and lust
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Hello Mam,
I am 33 years old, male and going through a serious mental trauma for the past few day. I am married to a lovely lady having a kid of 5yrs. Since 2013 my sister in law is living with us because of her studies. She is 19 years of age.
I used to share a very healthy relationship with her. No silly jija sali jokes etc. Last Sunday my wife was out for shopping with her freind, then this incident happened.
Me and my sis in law were having some discussion. She told me that a boy has proposed to her and she truly needs advice from me. Intially, I tried to give her guidance about the seriousness of a relationship but after sometime the conversation gradually turned us on and unfortunately ended with sexual intercourse. It was her first time.
God after this incident, she is shattered totally and going literally mad because of guilt. I myself was not intentionally involved and feeling guilty as well. I was like her big brother and never ever thought of her in a sexual way, but that moment I was not able to control.
Mam I am seeking advise on how to console her. May be your expert view can provide us a bit of relief. She is going to her elder sister’s place now who also lives in the same city in which we are living. I am scared that I had ruined a girl’s life unintentionally.
Please help me. I am dying because of her emptiness and my sin. Please help to advise to get rid of this problem.Thanks.
Answers ( 2 )
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She is quite distressed because I guess you both didn’t quite convince yourselves that you wanna have sex but instead just took a shot at it. Actually this shouldn’t be a big deal as you both were equally turned on and are mature enough to think what you were doing. The reasons for her guilty feeling might have emerged from the fact that as soon as you finished your act, you just dressed up and went to your respective rooms which is quite a recipe for disaster because post sex interaction is quite a big deal for women as they are more emotional when it comes to sex whereas it is just like a physical need for men.
If the above is the reason and I think very much it is, it is quite possible that your abrupt separating yourselves post coitus without any conversation made her feel like she did a big mistake instead of preserving the memory.
The only way to make her feel alright is talk to her and make her understand that you are just as depressed as she is now and if you really wanna confess about this whole thing to your wife, make sure that she is broad minded as many women do not quite take it well about EMA and she might desert your sister emotionally for a really long time and that is even worse.
I know you’re afraid, but look at it this way, wouldn’t it be worst if she found out through someone else that you did that? She wouldn’t even consider staying with you, if she found out through someone else. At least you feel guilty, and that’s a sign you truly care for her. Look, if she truly loves you too, she would stay with you for all the things you did right, not for the one thing you did wrong. Please, for her sake and yours, don’t ever even think about doing it again.
Remember, time is the greatest healer of all.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
You keep saying it was not intentional. Sex cannot happen if there is no intention. Stop trying to remove the blame from yourself. At 33 years, you should have known better. I sympathize with your 19 year old SIL, who may have been unaware of the consequences of her action.
In any case what has happened, cannot be undone and you both will have to live the guilt of what has happened. Do you have the courage to make a confession to your wife. I see no other way out for you to reduce your guilt. Also, how will you explain the sudden decision of your SIL to leave the house? It is always possible that your wife will get to know of this sordid misdemeanor and the wise thing would be to take her into confidence. Since you are convinced sex was unintentional, try telling this to your wife. Since it is her sister, she may also be able to handle this issue in a discrete and mature manner.
It of course is a wise decision for your SIL to relocate as this will reduce the memories of the incident, but how you are going to console her about her loss of virginity will depend entirely on you. Please ensure that she does not take any hasty decision which will be traumatic for her and the entire family.