Hi ladies,

I’m having a little (thankfully not too serious) problem with my husband, and it’s something I don’t know how to approach with him. It’s this: his (lack of) personal hygeine disgusts me.

Now, it could be just that I’m totally freakish about germs and I take my personal hygeine very seriously. I guess what I need is not just how to approach this with him, but how many of these things are normal and how many are truly gross. Ok, here goes…

He:
-Sometimes seems to go a few days without brushing his teeth. ‘Something’ always has to come first, (“I’ll brush them after breakfast”; “I’ll shower first”) but then I don’t think it happens. I don’t remember the last time I saw him brush his teeth at night.
– He NEVER washes his hands after he uses the bathroom. Even when he poops he just quickly rinses them with water, he never uses soap.
– He doesn’t always shower every day. Sometimes he’ll run out of time/just not feel like it in the morning and then night rolls around and he doesn’t do it then either. We went away for two nights/three days for Thanksgiving and he didn’t shower that entire time.
– He usually doesn’t wear underwear, then wears the same pants until they literally start to stink and I have to wash them. Even then he says they’re fine.
– Uses the same toothbrush for a year or longer (apparently you’re not supposed to use one for more than three months)
– Picks boogers out of the dog’s eyes (actually necessary) then doesn’t wash his hands
– Doesn’t wash his hands before eating (even though he doesn’t wash them, ever, during the day)
– I don’t think he ever washes his feet in the shower. They smell, bad. Not that I can smell them from a distance or anything, but if I ever get close I can smell them.
– We’ll have sex, and even if he hasn’t showered yet that day (so there would be no harm in him taking a shower), he’ll just wipe all the ick off with a towel.

It’s starting to really bug me. I’ll admit to being a total germaphobe but it’s getting to the point where I’m getting put off letting him touch me, handle my food, using the remote after he’s used it; etc. The worst (this is kind of X-rated, be warned) is when he wants me to go down on him. His skin has this sweet smell to it which makes me gag. To be fair to him, it’s not exactly unpleasant, but I just can’t stand it. Him not always showering every day includes when we have sex. I can’t bear the thought of putting his penis in my mouth when I know that it has been inside me; he’s peed out of it; cum out of it; and it hasn’t been washed since then.

Finally, the reason I can’t seem to bring it up. I’ve calmly discussed it with him before and I’ve made jokes about it before. Every time, he flips. He was physically and mentally abused when he was a kid, and one of the things he had to deal with was being ridiculously babied. Once, I asked him if he’d been using my toothbrush (because we’d been away for a weekend, and two days later I noticed he hadn’t unpacked his), and when he said no I asked him if he just hadn’t been brushing his teeth. He went crazy, telling me I was just like his mom and I needed to quit.

I feel terrible asking a grown man “have you showered today?” “did you brush your teeth today?”, but at the same time, he’s a grown man and I shouldn’t have to. What can I do?