Hello Anjali ji,

I am glad to see such a Site where satisfactory answers are given to the queries asked. I too am in a bad situation and need some help.

I am 27 years old guy from Patna. Currently I am doing my Masters and unmarried. I am an introvert type of person. I have never had contact with any girl except my family members. I come from a village and after my Matriculation, I came to Patna. There I lived with a person who was known to me. One night when I was sleeping he came to me and started playing with my penis. He told me to do the same with him. Since I feared and respected him, I did the same. Later he ejaculated on my back speaking vulgar things about my sister who was living in the same town. I did not ejaculate. Later I felt that I was abused. I could not tell this to anybody since I did not have any friend. I later learnt this pleasure and used to do it 2-3 times in a week. That time I felt very bad, and morally incorrect.

While masturbating I used to imagine one aunt living near my house in my village. I felt bad but I kept on doing and was always filled with guilt. This made me morally weak day by day. In my graduation year (2006) I started using internet. My roommate used to watch nude girls and read stories in the net. One day, I typed in google and found many such pictures. I was amazed seeing nude girls. While masturbating all the pictures came into my mind and I got much more pleasure along with the increased feeling of doing something wrong and cheating my parents. Since then I never discussed with anybody.

I used to read sex stories but it was hard to believe thar such relations occur. One day, I read one story of having sex with elder cousin sister. First time I masturbated reading the story & imagining my cousin sister. I never had such orgasm before. I was in heaven but soon I finished and was filled with guilt. I was ashamed. I went to the temple and prayed to God for helping me not to do it again. But I always failed in my resolve.

I practiced absistence many times and left it for 2-3 months. But I forget everything and restart. I have a younger cousin sister, and I discuss all things with her except my sex problem. I masturbate thinking about my cousin sister. I imagine I am in hotel with her and she is my girlfriend. I fuck her in all ways and she satisfies me.

This occurs periodically for 5 days in a month and rest is cool and calm. For these 5 days I forget everything and think only about sex. I do it 7-8 times in these 5 days Once the excitement is gone I become cool and am filled with guilt, and swear not to do again but the next time I do it again.

I still have not come in contact with any girl. Whenever I think of any other girl I do not get excited. In my mind,  I think, I am not a good, smart guy so girls do not look at me. I also do not want to marry. I also fear girls because in my college as every girl, has a boyfriend and many of them have had sex. I always underestimate everything in my life. I tried to talk to a few girls but they refused and made fun of me.

I have done all sorts of things like reading good books, quotes, motivation, doctors, temples, meditation  etc., but for those 5 days everything is in vain. I am a bad guy. Am I doing incest? I want to get rid of all these. What should I do to come out from this complex? Should I discuss this with my cousin sister (who is a doctor now)? These 5 days are hurdles. I can’t accept sex in a normal way. I want to be calm free from sexual thoughts and sex as well. Any medication or meditation for this?