How do I view this relationship of ours?
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Hi,
I would like everyones help on this problem as I need third party advice.
I know this girl for 10 years now. We are both 19 and single. We are best friends for some time now but I am not sure how she feels about me. She always refers to me as her best friend even tough we dont really hang out as much we used to.
I dont want that kind of friendship anymore but I am afraid to lose her. She is the hottest girl I know and I feel I would never have a chance with here if I didnt know her for so long. She feels pretty comfortable around me and I would hate to creep her out. I am an emotional guy and she is, I think, down to earth and never talks about her feelings.One day we are close and connected, and the next we hardly even talk. It is the weirdest relationship I have ever been in and I just want it to end, one way or another.
Hope someone can help 🙂
Answers ( 2 )
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There is a fine line between love and infatuations hence, try to figure it out. Having said that if you really want to end then there is no need to analyze the blueprint of your relationship just stop all means of contact and there is even no need to give details her why you suddenly stop talking to her. Â
She is defiantly hottest girl but when she says you are best friend of hers that means you are. If you want to take this relationship forward then express your feeling honestly showing your interest for the long-term commitment but at the same time, be ready for the rejection as it is her right to reject you and you have no right to ask a reason for her denial. Â
I have a feeling that she is considering you as her best friend and not more than this otherwise she would have given you hints. You both are just 19 so I think you both are immature to take decision about future life so let the time pass.
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You are both 19, and that is a dangerous age for deciding what you want out of li There has been a lot of research into the development of the teenage brain, and one of the things that have become apparent is that teenagers often do not fully develope reasoning capabilities, and mental maturity is usually reached in the early 20s. In fact, at 19 you are just on the threshold of maturity. At the moment, the hormonal changes in your body maybe affecting the way you think. Now consider that your friend is going through the same development stages. By your own admission, she has mood swings between intimacy with you, and being distant and diffident. I guess you long for those days when you knew exactly where you stood in her affections, and she probably feels the same way, maybe not even understanding why she feels one-way today, and totally different tomorrow.
You could try telling her how you feel, but that would put your very genuine friendship at risk. Right now, your sex drive is telling you that she’s the hottest girl you know, and tries to take control. My advice, for what it’s worth, is to bite your cheek, and bide your time. In a year or 2, both of you will be thinking more clearly. If you are meant to have a loving relationship that goes beyond friendship, this will happen. But wishing for something is not the same as having something. At the moment you can’t think beyond the idea of having sex with her, but trying to push your agenda might be the biggest mistake you could make. Would you want to spoil a deep and lasting friendship over nothing more than lust?
With time, you will both know whether you will remain friends for the rest of your life, or perhaps become a married couple. I have to tell you that the best marriages are made when 2 people not only love each other but have a deep friendship with each other as well. I have seen what happens to marriages where love drives them, but there’s no friendship. After the initial period where sex is the great motivator, you reach a stage where companionship and genuine friendship are the feelings that really cement 2 people together. Love will bring you together, and friendship will hold you together. For a successful marriage, you can’t have one without the other.
I realise that some of my comments are rushing ahead, and pushing you to think about marriage. Let’s put it this way, you might be able to talk her into bed and fuck her brains out, but what would you be left with after that? She would probably lose respect for you, certainly lose her trust in you, and without those things, there goes the friendship as well. I talk about the possibility of marriage because, as I say successful marriages are built on genuine friendship as well as love and sex. If she really is your best friend, at some point, she should be the girl you look to for a wife.
I hope this makes sense, and I hope it helps you make up your mind. Don’t rush into anything reckless and ruin something very precious.
I wish you both the best in life regardless of what the future holds for you as a couple.
Salma