How important is a continuous communication between couples?
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Hello anjali madam and users,
I am 23years old married guy. Its a general tendency of couples that they talk so much in begining and that decrease gradually. It is obvious that we do not have much to talk and we cant talk in scripted way.
But then the real problems arise.. And these complain lines are common in most of relations:
1. you are changed.
2. You have lost interest in me.
3. Why dont you talk to me.
4. You are hiding something.
My question is:
1. How to establish a quality communication between couples?
2. How a couple can avoid such misunderstandings?
Every communication starts with Hi, Hello, and ends with “whats up? Nothing”
Many Relation gains unwanted weight because of low communication and many unluckily get a full stop.
I AM A MARRIED GUY AND I HAVE FACED THSESE PROBLEMS. SOMETIMES I FEEL THAT THERE IS NOTHING TO TALK NEW. SO I KEEP QUIET AND SHE THINKS THAT I AM HIDING SOMETHING.
MY WIFE WILL NOT HATE ME FOR THIS BUT I WANT A RELATION WITH FULL OF JOY AND FUN.
THIS PROBLEM IS MINE BUT I AM PUTTING THIS IN DISCUSSION CATEGORY. HOPE USERS WILL GIVE SOME USEFUL THOUGHTS TO THIS QUESTION.
Thanks
Answers ( 3 )
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You are just 23, married and presumably in the rainbow phase. But you have hit the nail on the head. Communication is the key to any successful endeavour – marraige, bussiness or education.
The anti-thesis to marriage is a monster called Ego. When ego (I) raises its ugly head, communication is met with strict silence. They say when a couple first marries, he talks and she listens. Later she talks and he listens and still later, they both talk and the neighbours listen!
Communication requires a conscious effort. It does not mean nagging or prying. Wanting to know about your partner’s past, about his/her present movements etc. It is about sharing.
You say you have no topic to talk about. Do you talk about your office day or college (since you are just 23 and married)? Was yours a Love marriage or an arranged one? If arranged, it would take time to know your partner, especially if she is shy.
Cultivate a hobby together, and then see the amount of time you will both be talking!
It is not true that old people talk less. See any old couple and they will discuss topics for hours.
There are times, when silence is the better part of valour.
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I can write an essey on this, in a nutshell, communication is the key.
Sex with wife has both mental and physical aspect. If you ask me, I would say 90% is mental presence, rest 10% is the physical bond. Marriage is a hoy bond, commit to walk together. To keep that bond, mental attachment is needed and communication is the key.
You must have seen young guys talks hours in park or phone, ever tried to listen what they say? Nothing important, just being close and together is the fundamental. Same goes with old couple, they talk. I have seen some couple having great sex life, but ended in divorce because they thought having a kid will solve the problem or sex can take care of all differences. It doesnot.
What you should do, you can decide, what I do is my way. I keep some time everyday for my family, share few jokes, small talks, help my wife on chores, ask her help, sit together with our angel, there are so many ways to be together. I am following that, and even I dont mind sacrifice watching TV, if my wife has something to say, important or not.
But the best way of communication I found is during after play, once having sex, cuddling and talking on anything and everything, I feel great pleasure, she also talks about all gossips she heard. And ofcourse bed time dirty jokes are always there.
Akk0907, I recall you said before that you got some help from this site. Take this advice, there need not be any topic, any formality, no report on whole day activities. You can stay with her in kitchen and help her, ask her the ingredients, what she knows best, let her talk on that, and talk on what you know best. Hope you can get some help following this.
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If one marriage falls apart, then 90% reason for that is lack of communication. People who always talked, laughed together on nothing important suddenly shut down to silence and isolate to their own world and the string of communication is broken and couples live like roommate without much passion or love. There are many reasons for that,
1.When we married everything was new, every joke every words said and heard were new, so it interested us to listening and talking. When years pass by we lost that new feeling and everything appear to be the same, so everyone withdraw to their own world.
2. Lack of intimacy:the intimacy we felt at the begging will fade with years, this will lead to a gap between couples.
3.Lack of time: both are working and the time together become very less and ther is not enough time to scold each other, then were is time to talk.
4. Ego related to work and pay.
5. difference in their views and opinions.
6.lack of satisfactory sex due to lack of interest and work load and tensions.
A lot of things can be added like this to the reasons for lack of communications.
I dont believe that children can bring back the lost intimacy or communication back to their life.
Then how can we establish this communication without getting broken down. for that we need a conscious effort, both couples should voluntarily come forward to spend some quality time with their spouse.