How long should I(M31) wait before I speak about her(F33) texting habits?
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I’m a 31 years old man who’s dating a woman 2.5 years older than me. Last weekend we had our first date. She’s never been in a relationship before and I have also been single since last 9 years. On our first date when we decided to keep dating each other and see where it goes, she asked me what my expectations were and I told her that since the distance between us was a lot, it wasn’t possible to meet everyday but I would still like to talk with her on a call every day for a few minutes and she agreed to it. But after that we have spoken on a call only twice. Both of these times, I asked her if I can call her but she never tried to call me. I don’t like it but I can understand because she was busy she didn’t have time to call me. However she also replies very late to my texts or whenever we are chatting on WhatsApp, she asks me what I did that day or how my day was but she ignores whatever I told her I did that day which leaves me feeling sad. I called her cutie, sweetie etc on chats to be cute with her but she told me that I should call her by name and I corrected myself immediately. But she hasn’t called me by my name at all, not even once.
I have our 2nd date with her this weekend, it is okay if I talk with her about how I feel about her behaviour? How should I bring up this topic? Is it too early to talk about it?
She seems like a good woman but these communication gaps are killing me
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Sounds like you and her are playing it very safe – afraid to commit. Mostly things fell apart at this instance. You created distance by effectively saying “you are good but not good enough to travel and I can only do calls but only for few mins”. You could’ve gone the romantic route – “My expectation was met the moment I laid my eyes on you walking through the door” or if you wanted to play it safe and “talk more” something like – “I like you and I want to talk to you more” Thats all. Nothing about distance or “few mins of calls”.
Secondly, you expect her to call. Why? to show she is committed to the relationship?
Third, Many people don’t care for others until they are close. People like to talk about themselves. They are the center of the universe. They don’t care about your day, they care about them.
The only way is to let go of the fact that you should be priority. If you can’t and that is what you need then no amount of talking will help. Most probably things will fall apart during the talk. If that is important then forget and start over.
If you want to continue then next time don’t complain about calls etc. It’ll come off as needy and wanting attention and for god’s sake make things romantic – don’t put distance.