How should a husband react if his wife confessses that she cheated on him?

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What should a husband say if his wife comes and confesses that she cheated on him with two persons at a time, and she is feeling guilty?

Should that bother him? How should he react
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askanjali.net 2024-01-20T09:11:51+00:00 1 Answer 46 views Pundit
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  1. askanjali.net
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    2024-01-20T09:12:21+00:00
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    Clarification needed:

a. Was it a one time event?
b. Did she mean a threesome?

I'll make assumptions and carry on with my suggestions:

What does this incident and her opening up and confessing you teach us?

1. Confession/guilty conscious:

Confession, good thing on its own. She could have chosen to hide it and carried on. You would've never found out. She would have fulfilled all her wild fantasies and you'd have been clueless. Missing out on the one thing that keeps a marriage intact & wonderful, sharing of desires and partnering to fulfill them.

So confessing is a good thing for marriage. Now let's explore guilt.

The wife is feeling guilty. The validity and genuineness of guilt will be in the events in the run up to the actual affair.
How did it start?
Who initiated it?
How did it reach a stage where the sanctity of marriage didn't matter?
What was her thought process?
Did she like the experience?
Why them?
Why two at a time?
Why didn't she express her fantasy to you and ask you to fulfill it?

All these questions are not to make her feel more guilty, but more to understand her, her motives.

2. Your response:

a. If fidelity is a dealbreaker and you are the sorts who doesn't forgive/forgive easily, then it's better if you divorced.

b. If you can understand her perspective and see it as an opportunity to widen your and your wife's sexual experience, then you are in for a life changing and long term ecstasy.

She probably has a deeper need to experiment her sexuality. Can you understand and be supportive of that? It's a big ego buster for a man. But think about it. Replace sex with, say, pickle, your wife loves it and wants all kinds of varieties; wouldn't you hunt for different kinds and give to her to make her happy? And won't she do the same for you?

You both could chose to live an open marriage or both of you can participate actively in each others sexcapades.

Imagine, you getting all the women you want and equally so for your wife.

As long as both of you choose safe partners and practice safe sex, both of you will lead very happy lives.

It all depends on how forgiving you can be.

So think hard. If this will haunt you forever, it is best to call off the marriage.

Take care.

PS. Get her and yourself thoroughly tested for the full range of STD.

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