How to ask a girl to get tested for STDs before having sex?
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have been talking to this girl who is my colleague and we have really hit it off, she is really only the second girl that I have dated till now, but I think things will last for at least another year or two (I'm not really the commitment kind of guy and she knows it). I know that she had physical relationships with two other guys because she was my junior in college and this I really don't mind, because even I had a physical relationship and can't judge anyone
My problem is that I want to find out if she has any STDs, and I'm more paranoid than scared about it, since I see 3-4 people dying of HIV and hepatitis every month. How should I approach her with this request or question? Should I ask her directly and risk making her completely mad at me or should I act like a weasel, make her donate blood and find out from the technician if she's free from STDs and risk completely losing her trust if she finds out?
I don't want to lose her, because I really love my job more than social interaction, like I would rather sit in a library and increase my knowledge than go out to have dinner with my friends and she understands this part of me and stays with me during work even though our specialities and departments are different.
PS. I donate my blood every 3 months, so I know that I don't have any STDs
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drip,
This is a question that many men and women in a relationship ponder about, but often do not have the courage to broach the subject.
Since you and your date come from the same medical field, it should encourage you to talk about a topic that is as much medical as it is social. Since you are aware of her past relationship, you can broach the subject gently and ask her about the level of sexual relationship that she has had. You can broach the topic of STDs in purely medical terms and then gauge her reaction from that. You can ask about her comfort in you using condoms and start about being in agreement on that.
Remember, that you cannot be the first to throw a stone as you live in a glass house too. Having sex is not only a physical act, but also an emotional one and only you can tell how bold or shy your partner is? Is she embarrassed when you talk about sex? Some people assume that talking about STDs means that you doubt their character. It will depend on how deeply you love each other. From your comments, it appears that you are relationship phobic and just want to have a good time for a year or two. This may not be the case with her and she may be looking at long term marriage plans.
Decide on a good time when to talk. Do not wait till you are about to have sex. It is easier to talk with your clothes on! Decide in advance what you are going to talk about.
Your resolve to donate blood every three months is really noble and I wish our Readers take a cue from this. However your motives are questionable and if it is only to check on your HIV Status, then I think you are donating blood for the wrong reasons. As a good human being, it is not right to get her to donate blood so that you can clandestinely check on her HIV status. It would be more becoming, if you approach the topic head on and talk to her about the issue. You can suggest that you both will get your selves tested together. If possible bear the costs as women are sensitive about such issue.
In any case do not be judgemental and appear to be accusing. Having the STD conversation can be awkward at first, but it’s a lot less uncomfortable than discovering you have an STD after you have sex. It’s also a great way to learn more about your partner and your relationship: Is your partner willing to talk about this? Does he or she respect your wishes? Does your partner try to make the conversation easier (by really listening, reacting, and understanding) or harder (by shutting down, acting defensive, or making fun of you)? The right conversation with the right partner can help you feel closer than ever.
Best of Luck.