How to deal with not knowing the reason for rejection ? 28M here
ReportQuestion
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
I 28M working in a well known MNC in India and my marriage got decided by elders and even I agreed to marriage without talking much to a girl as she was from known family.
When marriage got fixed and everyone got to know about this new development.
Then I took the girl number from my aunt and texted, initial 2-3 days were fine and she talked nicely after that she started behaving weirdly and would say some BS reasons to avoid.
Later I called her father and informed him the situation and he talked to her and after a week i got know she is upset because I asked her what is the reason why she was marrying early(she was 25), Then I was like what the most dumbest reason I get to reject and since marriage announcement was to known lot of people I asked her sorry for asking such question.
Even after that no proper response from her then i decided to bring the same matter to my parents and they decided to summon at her house.
After a week her father called my father saying she is not talking or listening to them and then i decided to close the chapter with that lady saying goodbye and all the best.
After that she responded me saying she is not feeling to reject me either as I am very good and blah blah.
Then I gave a second chance and restarted the conversation even after that she was not responding properly and called off the marriage.
Even now I am not aware of the things she had in her mind and I need to live with that.
Comment section is yours, just seeking what went wrong and did I take right decision ?
Answers ( 3 )
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
It might be that you are a good prospect on paper, that checks the list of husband of her family but your interaction with her makes her feel uncomfortable. You might be coming as a chipkoo type – guys that just won’t leave a girl alone.
It might be happening that whenever you interact with her your behaviour towards her is bad, boring, annoying, frustrating etc. so when she talks with you she realises that spending whole life with you is just going to be a torcher for her, so it’s better to cancel the marriage.
The second time she only said yes due to your family and her family pressure.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
It was a totally valid question. Remember one thing, “it’s not always about YOU”. For whatever reason she decided to call it off, it could be ANYTHING, highly likely not related to you. So the more you try to think about it, the more you go down the rabbit hole cuz you’ll never know the exact reason why she decided to do that and that’s okay. You’ll have to accept the fact.
Also, get to know the girl fir atleast a few weeks and then decide if you’re gonna go ahead with her or not. Don’t let elders pressure you.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
This is what you call taking things literally. The reason was something else, maybe not feeling the connect or finding you boring etc but making things up to make people happy. And mind is an amazing place, sometimes people work backwards to find things to be annoyed about. You should’ve left it at that. But I guess since the annoucement was made you felt that things should be kept moving.
Another instance of taking things literally. I know difficult to read minds but normally you give chances on apologies not under threat.
I am confused here. You called it off or she called it off.
Anyways, the question is – what does “responding properly” mean to you because many people can read many things into it. One person in this thread called you chipkoo and others supported you – neither are them wrong but working off vague assumptions of your expectations and whether those were valid.