How to manage sexual intimacy with hubby while living in a joint family?
ReportQuestion
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Hi,I am having problems with my in laws from day one.Now it is almost 2 yrs still it continues. My sister in law sleeps in the same room with me and my husband. It makes me very uncomfortable. We are not in a situation to move to other house. Also i cant deny her to sleep in my room due to small house and more members. It makes us difficult to get privacy. Mostly my husband come late night from work.At times during late night he looks for sex, he assumes she is sleeping. But its very uncomfortable for me. Its very difficult for me to have intercourse while other person sleeping in the same room. She has never ever said anything or got awaken in between. But i dont feel comfortable . What should i do in such a situation?
Answers ( 6 )
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
I can understand your plight. It will be frustrating not to have sex, when you want to. And it is even worse with problematic in laws.
If your economic situation doesnt allow you to have a separate room, or do an outing etc.. there is only one option left – Have a partition made of thick cloth. The intention is not to enclose your area alone.. but also to send out a message that you are not supposed to be here…. If your sis in law is adult.. she will understand.. if she is too young to understand, its still okay..
anyways, normal people dont peep in. The only problem which still remains is sounds.. if either of you moan a lot during intercourse…. we cant help it.
Enjoy your sexual life…
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
It is very common problem faced my most couples in a joint family, but usually the in-laws ensures adequate privacy for the newly wed but your case seems to be otherwise. You should talk to husband about this and try to arrive at a solution, if you tell him that you don’t want to indulge in sex during the presence of another person he will definitely get a solution, but then how old is your sister in law will she get married soon? mean while what are the chances that she may sleep in her parents room. Having said that please ensure that you don’t create rift with your in-laws this will create undue tensions in house which will negatively effect your sexual life. If nothing else try for some trip alone with your hubby it need not be a extravegant, just a nearby tourist spot will do or you may even go to your parents house. Think, consider all aspects & then act, remember life is a lot of adjustments & compromises for your loved ones…….
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Look Ridhi you should tell your husband or in laws that you need private room and it your right to get private room as you are married since two years. It is difficult to adjust in small house but i do not think that in your house there is no space for her to sleep in other room. Your family member has to adjust with your sister laws not you. Even you can make her to understand that you are not comfortable with her in night time, you need some privacy with your husband. Discuss this topic positively with your husband.
For you there is no other alternative except sent away your sister in law. You can make a plan for out going sex in hotel if possible but better option is find a private room in your house. If possible then make two room out of that one room by furniture. For using a furniture you can get a small room but at-least privacy. Best of luck.
One thing i forget to ask you that where does your mother in law sleeps.? Does she have separate room? Or she sleeps in hall room? She has to take her daughter out of room and made her sleep with her. She should not made her sleep with couple. Whose idea is this that she sleeps with you people? If this idea was your mother in law’s then I must tell you that she doesnt understand the value of newly married couple. And she is idiot. You should not compromise in such condition. First try to make everyone understand that you need privacy. If they are not ready for that then you should take hard decision and in this decision take your husband with you. Even if necessary then be separate with your family. Live alone with your husband in another house. I am feeling very sad for you that how could such people do this with you. Tell this problem to your parents. I am sure they will interfere in such condition and reach to the solution. This problem must be solved at the earliest. And let us know what will happen? We are waiting to hear from you. Best of luck. Please do not compromise.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
i,As you and your hubby needs sex she (sister-in-law) might have been in need of sex! And she can not have it even while someone is present in the room as she even do not sleeping in the room with her hubby! Have you ever gave thought to it? It is very nice of her that she either intentionally or unintentionally do not made her presence felt to both of you ever! And i would also held high of you for your efforts for putting together with the family! It is very embressing to have sex with someone in the room! But only your husband can solve this problem! As i have seen at one joint family who are our not so distant relatives! In that family all three grown up brothers got married in a couple of years! And then they all one by one took rooms in the same area which was just a walking distance away from the main house! And couples after dinner used to go to sleep in their respective rooms ! And even it continued after having young kids! That way understanding the problem they solved their problem
You too can opt this way or make a partition in between sleeping areas! But just do not make a scene for this problem!
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
I would like to know the reason for your discomfort with your in-laws, because clearly no girl can have problems with her in-laws right from the day 1, except when their son had married someone they haven’t approved but yet stays with them, and I seriously hope this isn’t the case with you. I suggest you have an open talk with your in-laws and try to correct your relationship because it would help you stay peaceful.
Coming on to your main issue, I take it that your SIL is big enough to understand what a newly wed couple would do, so I suggest you talk to her about this in person by taking her into confidence; do this only when both you and your SIL maintain a good relationship. Drop hints that you’re looking for more privacy with your husband; she would get what you’re meaning and might move out.
If you do not share a good relationship with her, you’ll have to convince your husband for talking to his parents or his sister directly about her sleeping in your parents’ room. This I think is the best way because people do know that newly wed couple would have needs and they need some privacy to themselves to talk, do any kind of stuff. Convince your husband to talk to his parents; let him know that you cannot let yourself free/loose when there is another person in the same room, he would surely understand this. Good luck.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
simple book a room in a hotel for one day in a holiday and enjoy
or built a home for your own