I was searching through my computer today and found out by accident my so called husband has been watching porn. When I went onto the website I could see that as well as watching videos you can arrange to meet up with women for “no strings sex”. Now my imagination is running riot.

We got married 6 months ago but that nearly didnt happen as on his stag do he was with a lap dancer after I asked him not too. I don’t know why I married him, he seemed to be sorry but now this!

I was sexually abused when I was a child and then I fell into a relationship with a man who raped and abused me. I got away from him and was recovering and bringing my children up the best I could. I had no intention of getting with anyone when I met my now husband as I didn’t trust anyone. My husband hasnt had an easy time with me due to my past but he said he didn’t care, he loved me.

I never thought in a million years he would have went to a lap dancing club let alone enjoyyed a private dance 2weeks before our wedding. I have really struggled coming to terms with the fact that he chose to go into a private room with another woman. Im not saying im right or wrong to feel that way but thats the way I feel.

Now hes watching porn and for all I know hes doing god knows what. How do I as a person deal with this? He doesn’t know that I know and I don’t want to tell him as it will prob end in a huge fight as he couldn’t understand why I didn’t want him with the lap dancer even though I had asked him not to do it and how I feel about it.

The bottom line is I feel like a piece of ****, like im not enough for him, and that even though he says he loves me I can’t understand how you can love someone and then watch porn. Maybe the way I see things is different but I could never even think of another man other than him let alone be turned on. I don’t get it and he knows that it upsets me. I can’t make him stop watching porn and I probably don’t have a right to, but the thing is is that I cant handle it! I can’t live with the fact that he has to watch porn when he has me. Our sex life is good and I would just about try anything because I love him and I want to enjoy sex with him as he is probably the only man I have ever enjoyed sex with. He seems to enjoy our sex life as well so why does he have to look at porn. The only conclusion I can come to is that he loves me in a way but sexually im not enough and he obviously doesn’t fancy me.

Is there any point in continuing this marriage? I don’t want to have sex with him anymore, I don’t want to kiss him, I don’t want to be intimate anymore. When we have sex how can I be sure hes not thinking about the *****s hes watching on the computer and wishing he was with one of them instead. I feel so betrayed, hes knows what im like and how I feel about this kind of thing but he doesn’t give a ****. He wants to watch porn I can’t make him stop because even if he did stop hes still done it. I will not trust h from now on neither. I lost a lost of trust for him when he went to the lap dancer but this is on another level. Hes doing it at home on the computer he bought me to do a degree.

Whether what im saying is right or wrong, its how I feel and I honestly believe that if you are in a relationship you shouldn’t be looking at porn masterbating. You shouldnt have to? Does anyone think there is anyway I can deal with this ? Or should I just walk away before I end up making his life a misery because of the way I feel. I know a lot of it is down toy insecurities but he also knows the way I am! Why did he bother marrying me?