Hello.

I feel so lost and broken. Betrayed. Humiliated. Disrepected.

I feel as something has died and don’t know what to do.

My husband and I are high school sweethearts; 17 years together, married for 8 of them. Recently, not even a month ago…he told me he wanted a separation. He has been unhappy for years with me.
That he didn’t feel “passionate” about me anymore. It was the worst news ever that day; October 1.

He said he wanted space to figure his emotions out, still wanted to be with me, he loves me and all that jazz. He said he figured it out when he started to have feelings for someone else and he said that there was something wrong; that he should be having those feelings for another girl. (She is 24, btw).

I moved out on October 4th. It’s not even been a month yet. During this time, we mainly talked on texts. He didn’t want to run into me. He didn’t want to “face” me. He still told me he loved me. He continued to talk to her.

This past Sunday he picked me up from the airport from visitng my family. He told me he needed to tell me something. He slept with her. He said it was only one time and they used a condom. I was devastated, angry, mad, just a range of feelings. I kinda expected it maybe in hindsight.

He said he doesn’t want her. He told me all he wanted was me and him to be happy together. He has been not using this time in our separation wisely – drinking and just being an idiot. I told him not stop being an idiot and figure his stuff out. Really deal with his feelings and see his counselor. (He is an avoider.) He said, he knew.

Yesterday, he tells me that he told her he stopped talking to her and now she is pregnant. Today, it was confirmed. 2 weeks. Never the mind, that we have not been successful in concieving due to my infertilty issues. I feel like I am dying inside. I don’t know what to do. I get to see a counselor soon.

Do people really over come these issues? I know we would need a load of therapy together. I don’t know if I can ever trust him again. I know “time” is the answer. But, right now…I want to crawl into a hole. A baby is now involved. A baby I could never give him. He is angry about the situation and apologizes…but right now it doesn’t mean anything to me. It’s just words.

He still doesn’t want to be with her. She doesn’t want to talk to him; said she will send him updates. I know alot can happen between now and then…it’s early on in her pregnancy. I can’t blame the child. I know in my heart that I love him and I want him; as stupid as it sounds, but I deserve so much better. He knows that. He knows it would take a lot of hard work to even consider a reconciliation.

I just need some advice from women out there who have had to endure a similar situation. I know it’s too early to make any decisions…

Did I mention she is 9 years younger, a recovering addict, released from prison this past summer, living in a half-way house? What if she were to relapse? Now —weird and maybe stupidly —I worry about that baby…