I am the strongest believer in not blaming one for your actions. But my relationship problems has caused me to be a person I do not want to be. Because as I am viciously verbally fighting with him, going back and forth and defending myself, the witch has came out of me and I don’t even like some of my thoughts and feelings. I don’t like it, this is not me, I am a nice, caring, loving, giving person but not with him right now. Especially cause we are fighting over money and I feel he will leave me in a horrible situation as in broke, leave me with no money and no gas. This goes beyond love, I am fighting for survival and I have never been like that with my him when I get paid, but I am going to have to be for the simple fact of survival. I can’t be okay with him spending money out of my paycheck and then when he gets paid, I am out. We both have $250 deposited on the others card when we get paid, but this morning he took my card and took $125 off of it, he has done that the last few weeks and I am thinking about changing my deposit to $125 on his card. That is kind of a witch move, but I don’t know what to do, I can’t take the chance of being out of money, hello no gas, no way to work and that amounts to losing my job or losing pay, this is beyond love and compromise for the other. I can’t explain the way I feel, but I’m mad and I just do not feel very sentimental or caring right now, I am at the point of fk it, we are at war, not about the kids, not about the house but money. Me feeling this way is not ALL about the money topic, he is furious with me for some of the things I said to him that were mean, but I do not take it all back, I’m sorry but it is how I feel — call me a witch with a B. I don’t believe in blaming one for my actions, but I guess I would say we bring out the worst in each other.

Another feeling that I have is I could care less if we broke up, we broke up back in April (the reason why is all laid out here on my posts at that time). And I remember that feeling it was the saddest thing for me to leave him, it hurt, I was devastated, I was so down about it, a feeling that makes me sad as I think about that feeling. But now the witch with a B has came out and I don’t care, I can tell him PEACE, good bye in a second. I imagine that I would eventually be sad but not like I was the first time. I want the old me back.