I helped my father-in-law to masturbate. Now I am ashamed and guilty.
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I am a housewife from Kerala, based and settled in Dubai. My husband is an electronic engineer in Dubai Govt service. We have 2 kids. I am very happily married and god-fearing. I am 39-years old. My eldest daughter is studying in a Kerala boarding school for plus one and since October last week was pooja vacations in Kerala, I came to Kerala along with my youngest kid. My husband was very busy and he didn’t come.
We have a new house which is in the same compound of my husband’s ancestral house. My father-in-law is a widower for 10+ years and he lives with his youngest daughter and family in the ancestral house. On Oct 27, we put my daughter back to boarding and I was preparing to return back to Dubai in the evening. My kid was playing with his cousins in the ancestral house and FIL was helping me in packing bags etc. The flight was at midnight. It was all VERY normal and he told me he’s having a headache. He was also very tired. I took a bottle of “Tiger balm” and applied it to his forehead. He was wearing the traditional Kerala dhoti and when I finished applying the balm it’s lid fell onto his lap. When I reached to pick it up, then I noticed that he’s having an erection.
I still can’t believe this, but after some moments, instead of picking up the lid, I touched him over the dhoti and I don’t know how, after that I masturbated him. He sat with heavy breathing. We never looked at each other. The only thing he did was picking a newspaper to wipe his semen and after that he kissed me very simply on both my cheeks. I was shivering throughout AND I REALLY wanted to remove my hand and stop it but believe me I just could not and I did it till he ejaculated.
He continued to pack bags, and I too. We were both silent and after that we didin’t talk to each other at all. No one noticed and they all came to the airport to see me and the kid off.
I can’t face God and I can’t sleep or eat properly. I am so down ridden with guilt and completely overwhelmed with regret. Please help me. I think I really need counselling.
Answers ( 2 )
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You feel guilty, and I don’t know what we can say that will make you feel better. You regret your actions, but what you have done, you have done. You can’t wind the clock back, so I accept that you did something which you regard as bad.
I don’t think there is a person alive or in the past who has led an entirely blameless life. It doesn’t matter who you care to name. Even such luminary figures as the Buddha started out as an ordinary man, who made mistakes, did bad things, lived a selfish life, until he tried to change for the better. I’m not suggesting that you need to seek some kind of path to enlightenment, but what I’m trying to say is that the process of expunging your guilt starts with forgiving yourself!!! This is the only thing that you need to do, as nobody else knows about what you did except your father-in-law, and he is hardly likely to want to broadcast the incident to anybody else. The only thing you have to do is to make sure you never put yourself in a position where you could be asked for a repeat performance.
What have you done that is so terrible anyway, in the grand scheme of things? If it was your teenage daughter doing it to a boy that she knew, you would probably scold her, you may even give her backside a good beating with a stick, but in reality, she wouldn’t have been doing anything that was that terrible. I may be incorrect in my supposition, but I think that you mainly feel guilty because it’s your father-in-law. You sense that you have committed an act of betrayal against your husband. But if your husband never knows about it, then it’s only in your own head. Your father-in-law was obviously sexually aroused, just from you massaging his temples, and you were caught out in a moment of vulnerability. He is at least as much to blame as you, as he could have stopped you at any time; but obviously, he didn’t want to.
All you can do is stop dwelling on this one-off incident, and put it from your mind. Concentrate on the things are really important, rather than a momentary slip in your standards of behaviour. You can go for counselling, if you think it will help, but if you can learn to forgive yourself, then your counselling will be done in your own head, rather than on an expensive psychiatrist’s couch.
Best of luck,
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
feelingbad,
Sometimes an incident occurs in one’s life that has no logical explanation. Your experience is one of those. It would not be wise to blame yourself completely for what happened. You have made it amply clear that it was not lust from either side, for what happened.
Sex is a powerful and overpowering essence and sometimes can happen without one being in the conscious world and without thinking ahead of the effect of one’s actions . This is what happened with you. Most probably, you may have not had sex with your husband for some time and being with another man, even though he was your father in law, he was still a man, your body reacted the way it did.
I understand that you are God fearing and your up-bringing has instilled in you that what you have done is sinful. But I think both you and your Father-in-law have handled the issue in a most adult manner without embarrassing each other. Did you masturbate yourself, after the incident? Were you sexually excited yourself? I will not blame you if you were. As long as you believe that this was a one off incident and there will be no recurrence you will be fine.
I definitely do not think you need to attend any counselling. Mistakes happen, so what. How you react to this in the future is the key. It also does not make sense to involve your husband, by telling him what happened. There is nothing that he can do now that will rectify the situation. You may have to live with this memory.
Since you would have gone back now, the incident will recede from your memory in due course of time. Have you thought about how you will talk over the phone to you Father-in-law, in the future? It would take some effort, but act normally.
I am sure you must be already feeling lighter, having spoken about this incident on AA. Do comment on the Answers you receive. It will make you feel even better. Remember it is not the end of the world.