Wondering if there’s anyone else with this problem. I love my fiance dearly. He is so wonderful in so many ways and is the sweetest, kindest person I have ever met. I really am not looking to break up with him but there is this issue and I just need to vent if anything.

When we both met I was coming out of a pretty dark time of partying, drinking, smoking, not taking care of myself, etc. I wasn’t really overweight, more of a skinny fat and a bit frumpy. I definitely needed to make some changes regarding my lifestyle just to get healthy so I took up running and working out (running, mostly, at first but I eventually transitioned into CrossFit). I absolutely love it and within 3 years, it’s become a big part of my life, I’ve accomplished many of my fitness goals including running my first marathon, getting stronger, healthier and changing my body composition. I try to eat well and encourage my fiance to do the same (he does enjoy some of my healthier recipes). I also have tried to get him to come with me to exercise but he HATES any kind of physical activity, thinks it’s for “jock losers” and actually makes fun of it (he’s a musician/artist to the core). He vehemently refuses to make any changes to his physical lifestyle and, although he did not deter me from doing so, was never really supportive of the changes I made to mine (he mostly grumbles about them taking up too much of my time and has been, more or less, merely tolerant of them). I’m not about to force him into anything he doesn’t want to do because that’s not fair and we do share many other interests which we have much enjoyment doing together.

But here’s the problem….

Since starting to work out he loves the way I look and can’t keep his hands off of me. He always comments on how sexy I’ve gotten, is always complimenting me and would have sex 5 times a day if I’d let him. It’s very flattering but he, on the other hand, hasn’t done anything to improve his appearance for me physically. He really hasn’t let himself go too much since we started dating but it’s began to start (beer gut, not much muscle tone) and we are not getting any younger. I’ve found myself not being incredibly physically attracted to him and resenting the fact that he refuses to try and look nice for me. I really would love to be turned on by someone visually too! I don’t know how to tell him this without seeming extremely shallow and like a total jerk. He’s always joking about how I’m going to dump him for some muscle guy (which I have no intention of doing) so I’m sure he’s insecure about it but I’ll be ********ed if don’t find someone who is fit and healthy attractive! I’m only human!

Anyhow, I just wanted to vent. I really do love him very much and feel like such a heel for thinking like I do but maybe someone out there has gone through the same thing. I know you can’t change people and there are so many other qualities he possesses that are so rare and wonderful I feel like I should just suck it up, forget about this, and deal but I’m just at a loss because it’s began eating at me a lot especially when it comes time to have sex. I’d really hate to hurt his feelings by saying anything but don’t even know where I’d begin to break it to him without bruising his ego or really damaging our relationship. Anyways I’m done venting…Thanks for anyone who took the time to read this and let the comments on how horrible I am as a person begin…