My girl friend wants to repent after cheating me. Should I forgive her?
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I was in a relationship with a girl for almost a year. We had sex many times. We were deeply in love with each other. I had introduced her to my friends. One of my friends manipulated her by telling her wrong things about me which I don’t know at that time.
Slowly my gf started ignoring me and behaving with me as if I am a cheat. Day by day our relationship got stressed and one day I caught my girl friend having sex with my friend. Later, she got open with me, and asked me to leave her. The reason she said was that I am cheating her which was not true. I tried to convince her many times but she didn’t listen to me as she was involved with my friend.
After few months, he got bored with her and slowly my girl friend also realized that he had trapped her for his physical needs and that he actually doesn’t love her. My girl friend wants me to accept her after every thing that happened in our lives. She told me another thing that he has trapped my sister now, and they regularly meet at his place and they regularly have sex.
My Questions are:
1. Should I accept my girlfriend back to marry or leave her?
2. I know my sister now is not in a position to understand us, as she is in love with him…How to handle the situation?
Note: I am conservative kind of person, who doesn’t want my gf or wife to have slept with anyone else but I really love my girlfriend.
Answers ( 4 )
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From the last line of your question it is very much clear that you really love your girlfriend No matter what she had done with you And if it wont be impossible to forget her it indeed would be difficult task for you if you resort to try it. So why not let bygone be bygone. That guy really seems to have an alluring effect as he not only successfully seduced your GF but your sister too and that too to the extent of having sex both of them.
Now for you most important thing would be to save your sister from that guy. For that you need to open up with your sister and tell her all the truth without holding back anything and make her aware of the character of this guy and tell her to make an informed decision knowing all the facts fully. So the answer to your first question would be to forgive your girlfriend from the bottom of your heart and if she really feels that she had been taken for a ride by this cunning guy then everything in your life would be okay. Everyone makes mistakes in his life. and stands to get an opportunity to come over it. Tell your lil sister about him and leave it with that with hope that she would be wise and prudent enough not to make her life a mess.
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We all make mistakes in life and need forgiveness. However infidelity is not something one forgives easily. But you need to understand the reason why your girlfriend had sex with someone else. She may have been convinced that you were cheating on her. I do not have her side of the story, but you may have given her cause to doubt you. She may also have tried to clarify the matter, but your ego must have not allowed you to do so.
She may have fallen for your friend who seems to be a sweet talker and she may have imagined that she loves him. It is not her fault that he is now ditching her. Give her a chance again, if you feel that you can swallow your pride. It is never easy to forget when your girlfriend or wife has slept with another man. This thought will always bother you and when you have a fight, you are likely to bring up this issue.
The friend’s affair with your sister is a matter for concern. Unless you have a frank talk with your sister, you will never know the seriousness of the matter. Involve your elders in the family, if you honestly believe that the boy is using her. But dont be biased in your opinion, just because your friend slept with your girlfriend. Maybe, he genuinely loves your sister and is willing to marry her. Explaining to your sister, will be difficult. How do you tell her that this boy has slept with your girlfriend? This will reflect poorly on your girlfriend. But I think you should. Get him to confess that he had sex with someone else, that way your sister may see reason.
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Your girlfriend has made a mistake, which does not deserve forgiveness as such mistake she should not have done. There is no question to get her back in your life, leave her on her destiny, as that is not your duty to save her, as she is not trustworthy. The question of marriage is far so even you should not thinking of it. There is no guarantee that she will remain loyal with you as she can cheat you again whenever she finds other boy. I can understand how much you love her as your question itself proof your love you hold for her.
As far as your sister’s matter is concerned, I can understand that why she is not listening you as she is now under control of him. It is better if you discuss with your sister with concrete evidence against your friend and tell her that he is history cheater and characterless for him girls are a sexual object nothing more than this. You may ask to your ex girlfriend to make your sister understand. Still your sister is not ready to listening you than involve her friends who have great influence on her or your family members. After involvement of the family member, your sister must have to give serious thought about your friend. You may even talk to his family members as this the matter of your sister life and you have all right to guide her right.
You have mentioned that can I marry; to this question, my straight answer is big NO, as men can never forgets their wife’s cheating on them or digest such fact. Your marriage will get in trouble after certain time if you marry her, one or other way this issue will become result of fight. You may definitely find hard to leave her or painful but on long run you will be happy. So look for long term and leave her, start preparing yourself to live without her.
The bitter fact is no men would ever able to forgive their partner sex with other man and that too your friend. Moreover, you had caught them red handed so what is keeping you to make revive your relationship. I might be harsh on my words but that is what I feel.
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I read your question and was thinking does it require any reply? You are a weak person thats my first finding. A weak person doesnot require a reply, because he wont do anything on that. A weak person will wait for luck to happen in his way, something good happens, will be happy, if not will be sad. When you read my reply, ask yourself, did you do enough on what you were supposed to do?
You know this friend of yours, he has fucked your girlfriend and now fucking your sister, in future will fuck some more member of your family, Having a friend like this, do you need any enemies? And you call this guy a friend? See, a weak person cannot say someone that you were my friend, but thank you, never cross my path again.
Your girlfriend, when she was fucking your friend, she was not listening to you, did you really make enough right effort to talk to her and get close to her? No you didnot. When she understood, he was fulfiled and she came back, then she listen to you. What kind of man are you? Dont show a pity face here and say should I forgive and take her back because I love her.
Rather than forgive her, you should forget her. Completely erase her out of your love life. Its not because she was fucking your friend, its because she knows that that friend is fucking your sister, and instead of talking to her, tell the guys track and save your sster she is talking to you. Comeon, if she had love for you and be a part of your life in future, she should have help your family name by preventing your sister from the guy whom you call a friend. Instead knowing you are a weak person, she is gaining your sympathy by coming back to you and asking a weak man to take care of something he is not capable of.
See, sometimes my words are a bit rude, telling you weak man is not to undermine your six pack ab or anything, its not a literal weak that I am talking about, its a metaphoric term I am using. Some how this girl friend knows your weak points, how she can bend you, how can exploit you or how can emotionally blackmail you. She is too shrewed to use you and you are being used because you love her. Let me be very upfront on this, you dont love her, you love the feeling you have when you think of her and and feel that you love a girl and probably she loves you too.
I have not many suggestion for you, I am not sure you execute them. First you should take care of your family name, save your sister, then think about other things. As I said, this girl friend is a bad news for you, as a girlfriend she has proved that, if you get married, she will prove again. Just by words if someone start sleeping with another guy, that stnds for he is much much better than you on bed, that’s why she was not ready to listen to you. When she was thrown away, she ran back to you. If you get married, the same will repeat again, and we might have to reply the same.
Be strong, act like a man and prove that you are a man. Stay away from this girlfirend whom you think you love.