My problem is that I’m sexually hyperactive and my wife isn’t.
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I have been married for the last 20 years. My problem is that I’m sexually hyperactive and my wife isn’t. To relieve myself, I masturbate. But I often think about relieving my sexual frustration outside of my marriage. How can I control myself?
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This situation is known as “discrepant libidos”. This is a common cause for dissent and sexual dissatisfaction in several man-woman relationships. There is nothing wrong if you masturbate. It is always better to relieve oneself through masturbation rather than looking for sex outside of marriage. Remember, sex outside of marriage carries risks at multiple levels – physical, emotional, relational, social and even legal. Couples who experience discrepancies in sexual desire levels need to cultivate good communication skills so that they both feel free to express their feelings without any hesitation or fear of rebuttal. In the absence of open and healthy communication, the situation could become unsavoury and turn into a lose-lose situation. The partner with the higher sex drive is highly likely to feel rejected and hurt when sex does not happen; while the partner with the lower sex drive may feel pressurized and resentful at having to sexually perform and respond even when she doesn’t want to have sex. Ideally, a situation could be worked out where both partners are willing to make some adjustments.