I came here often about a while back. At the time, I had no insight into why my partner had stopped touching, kissing, and wanting sex. Much has happened. Now I know. Long, tangled story short, I’m manic depressive and learned this a few years into our relationship. I’m on meds now and feel better about myself than I ever have. However, for the first several years of this relationship I was, well, manic depressive. I still have a wide range of fairly intense feelings. In counseling (“either we go or I leave” was how I got her there) my partner revealed that my feelings exhaust her. This blindsided me.

In the past two years, we’ve had sex five or six times. For more than a year, there was no sex at all. No touching, no real kissing, no holding hands, no nothing. She won’t kiss beyond a quick, sisterly peck. When I touch her she doesn’t touch me back. We’re very different people and she likes to be in charge. I used to let her have her way because her love is more important to me than winning. But with her love gone, giving in gets me nothing. I don’t back down any more. We bicker. It is really stupid. Stupid and boring.

However, she reports being more or less okay with this relationship. For me though it’s not even a relationship, it’s being roommates. We stay together largely because of the house and stability for her children, and partly because she worries my life will fall apart. She does care; this is clear and I don’t question it. So we’re together for the foreseeable future.

She clearly wants to keep the relationship going, but can she really think this is sustainable? She knows I am deeply dissatisfied but she shows no interest in my business, where I go and when. Is she assuming I have women on the side? I don’t. Should I?