We have had our issues as any longtime married couple does, and she has some sexual assault trauma. In hindsight I believe she has had intimacy issues since well before I knew her, but we were very much in love early on and that kind of papered over a lot of underlying issues for both of us.
So for the last year or so we have been working on ourselves. She said she wasn’t comfortable having sex right now and I agreed that given her background, I did not want to push the issue and I would give her all the time she wanted.
That was a year ago, plus I had a surgery several months prior to the conversation so we have not been intimate in at least 15 months.
Oddly enough, I don’t miss it. With sex off the table I can enjoy her company without being distracted by thoughts about it. I’m sure part of it is my age (44). But like….eh. Been there done that.
I mean, I won’t turn it down if it happens (and she’s been hinting that it will probably happen soon) but like, no big deal. I’d be just as happy spending the evening with her hanging out, smoking weed, playing with the dogs, talking about life, etc.
It’s cool. And I think, liberating in a big way. I don’t think I have unhealthy attitudes about sex either. But removing it from my life, I have a more detached perspective and realize that it’s really not something I care to focus on all that much anymore.