Need some advice….Very confused

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  • o i’m not to sure how to really start this so sorry if its kinda jumbled up.

    I have been married for a little over 4 yrs been with my husband for 5 yrs, We have a beautiful little boy who is 3…..My husband got into the army a few months after we got married and then left for Germany after he graduated basic… He then started to have these weird fantasies about me sleeping with another man and wanted a video of it!!!!! Now me I belive in my vows and I dont understand why he would want to share me. I sure in heck dont wat to share him!!! Well I finally ended up going to germany a month before he depoyed to afganistan. He continued doing it and pushing me to go and do this for him every time we talked it was all about sex never about how I was doing or even our son just sex. well this continued until 2 months before he came home from deployment I finally caved I coulndt take it anymore I just wanted him to shut up and leave me alone so I finally did it I found someone and I slept with him… Worst experience of my life made me feel disgusting then I found out I have clymidia because of it and my husband didnt care…. He still continued to ask me about having a 3sum or him going to go sleep with other women…Made me feel unloved and uncared for….Now 2 yrs later I still hate him for making me do it and hate myself for giving in….Ive gained a bunch of weight, am very unhappy, I dont like my husband at all I dont even think im in love with him anymore….I will love him a little always because of our son but thats it….He is mean , selfish , doesnt think about anyone but himself, our son doesnt come first to him he deals with him when he feels like it other than that nothing, he made us move to NM and were living in his parents house. I hate it there I hate not having my own home anymore, I wasnt given an option on where we were going to move wasnt even asked because he didnt care… He knows how unhappy I am bt doesnt care He lies to me about spending money and going to the casino….I’m just at a loss of what to do anymore…….HELP!!!

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