So we’ve been dating for 7.5 years. From the beginning, I’ve always had a stupid feeling in my stomach about how I sometimes think my bf is gay….just a vibe…not that he acts gay or anything..
It never really sat right with me having these feelings and I would ask him about it and he was like, are you serious, you think Im gay? I would just forget about it, but it always kind of came up in my mind.
He told me once when he was younger, about 12 years old that him and a guy friend watched porn together and they ended up touching each other.
Ok so this kind of made me wonder again…but I know that at that age people are wondering what’s going on with their bodies….
In the middle of the relationship, maybe about 3-4 years in…I heard a comment made about how he cheated on me when I went out of town….I asked him about this and he said that was the furthest thing from the truth…
About a year ago…I got really fed up because we weren’t on the same page and I wasnt happy with how our relationship was going….he was on his laptop and I was on mine…we would be in the same room adn never really talk….so I got mad and threw my laptop and said enough is enough…
I obviously broke my laptop…so the next day I was laying in bed and decided to check my email.on his laptop..well I guess he had forgotten to close his email and what I seen ….made me sick to my stomach..
He had made a secret email that was full of porn site messages from other girls…and personal emails from people we know that were naked pictures…( we’ve had many problems with the porn issue before hand ) however I thought he had stopped…!
We talked about it and a few days went by and I was searching through his email ( with his permission ) and I noticed that a *guy* friend invited him to a gay straight bi sexual site and I had asked him about it…he shrugged it off as nothing saying that the guy was weird and maybe had a crush on him.(this other guy is gay)..ok, not a big deal..whatever…I asked him if he looked at gay porn and he said yes…then I see a personal message saying *hows the truck* I asked him about it and he had told me that this guy wanted to talk to him…and I said what about and he said i had questions about my sexuality….but told me it was nothing….so I let it go..kind of…it always lingered in teh back of my mind…

I told him that we would try and work things out but everything needs to be out in the open and on the table because I don’t want to find out anything 6 months, 2 years etc from now..
Things were a lot better….after a few months of this happening…we were finally doing things together and i felt like i had re-connected with him….one day i watch Oprah and it was about Ricky Martin coming out of the closet…my heart sunk, I felt weird again…considering I had a dream that my bf left me for another guy….I talked to him about it and he said i wasnt thinking straight and that it was just a dream…not to worry to much about it…
Days went on and it just took over me….we started talking about these feelings…and I said, I almost just want you to tell me you did something with a guy so I can stop driving myself crazy…and he came out and said I did….!!!