Please help me I need advice!! I have just found out that my husband of 15 months (partner of 9 years) had an affair of 3/4 months up to 6 weeks before our wedding in Jan 2009. I have also found out this week that he has a 9 month old daughter with his “other woman” and was still sleeping with her until a couple of months ago. I am devastated, my husband has never wavered in his affection for me and he tells me he has been happy in our life together. The news of the baby came out only because its mother send a letter to my mother and father in law claiming that they have a right to know about their grandchild. My husband says that he loves me so much that he couldn’t bear to tell me the truth out of fear of losing me as he knew I would leave, he claims at one point he was so desperate that he started to write his goodbyes.

The time scale of this is mortifying to me – My husband claims that he called off the affair because he made up his mind that he loved and wanted to be married to me. But unknown to me as I was walking down the aisle this woman was finding out she was pregnant and as we went on our honeymoon in the August she was giving birth to MY husband’s baby!!!!!!!! He says he begged her to abort the baby as he didn’t want it or to be with her (right or wrong), but once she made the decision to keep it he knew he couldn’t neglect his responsibility.

We are separated at the moment and both his family and mine are heartbroken for me as they knew I have been desperate for my own baby since we got married. They are all supportive of me and want me to make my own decisions but I’m in turmoil – Why didn’t he tell me before the wedding and give me the choice as to whether I wanted to marry HIM? How could he carry on two separate lives without giving anything away? Does he love me that much that he just couldn’t bear to lose me or the baby? Could we work through this and save our marriage? I have no negative feelings towards the baby after all she is innocent, but I do question how this 30+ year old woman got herself pregnant by ACCIDENT with someone who continued to get married and stay with his wife during and after the pregnancy with no thought of leaving – where is her self respect?? My husband says that he continued to see and sleep with her purely so she didn’t come looking for me. Again purely selfish on his part.

My husband still claims that he loves me but needs to build a relationship with his child and figure out WHY he has done all this in the first place. He SAYS he is having no contact with the child’s mother apart from making arrangements around the baby, and he SAYS he doesn’t want to be with her. I miss him so much and can’t help thinking we could work through this and be happy, but how could I ever trust him knowing SHE is going to be in his life and no doubt trying to get him back at every turn? My husband says he has hope for us but cannot risk causing me any more pain so wants time apart for us both to work out our feelings. This is THE worst thing I can imagine a husband doing to his wife, so why do I still want him and want to be his wife?? Why do I feel that I want to fight for the last 10 years of my life and gain something (the baby) rather than lose everything??

Please help me!! I need some help and advice from somebody outside of the situation / family or perhaps from someone who has been through something similar – I know I’m not the only one x