Hello everyone!
This is my first post 😊 hope i can get some feedback ..

My boyfriend and I have been together for six years this September just gone; we’ve had more ups and downs than a rollercoaster, I’m 20 years old and my boyfriend is 23 so we got together real young. We both come from big families, me being the 5th of 6 children and him being the 4th of 5. Not all members of our families were the happiest when we got together because of our ages but we liked each other immediately, hit it off and three days after the ‘will you be my girlfriend’ talk, childishly said I love you.

Like i said we’ve had our ups and downs, family disagreements, his family calling me every name under the sun and hating me for no apparent reason, jealousy over friends of the opposite sex, his slight problem with binge drinking, an unplanned pregnancy that led to termination, lies, me being depressed and self harming, violence on both parts, a lot of breaking up which 2 years ago led to me sleeping with another man and a more recent break up a while ago which led to him sleeping with his ex. The reason we broke up was because he took drugs which I hate and I moved out, got my own place and convinced myself and him that we were well and truly over. I’d like to say that on these two occasions we did break up for around 3-5 months so it wasn’t like we went out the next day and slept with other people, however we did still talk on the phone but not about getting back together etc.

Now, this may sound crazy but we always end up coming back to each other like magnets and neither of us have ever doubted that we love each other. He has well and truly been with me through the roughest times of my life as I have him and his which we regularly thank each other for.

After a lot of arguing, shouting, tears and eventually conversation we have once again stitched up our sore, open wounds and rekindled our relationship. We still live apart at the moment but are planning to live together again in the near future (next year).

I’m not sure why, but this time it feels so different. I feel like I have well and truly fallen head over heels for him again and we’ve been talking positively about our future .. Moving in, moving out of our small town, building a home, getting married and having children. Neither of us have ever felt this way about each other before, I think this time we have both realised that the grass isn’t greener and we have both learned that we needed to let go of our messed up pasts and wrong doings to be happy together.

We desperately want a baby (this isn’t an attempt to fix a relationship because it has already been fixed after hours of talking things through and getting to the bottom of everything) but I would like to be married first, however he isn’t too bothered which comes first, the marriage or the baby.

I’ve started doing the typical girly thing and roughly planning the big day and he has started saving for an engagement ring whilst I show him pictures weekly for ideas so that I don’t end up with a bolt for an engagement ring !! 😃

However there’s one thing that is holding him back and worrying him tremendously and that’s saying ‘I do’ in front of our family and friends, he isn’t the best with words, stutters and speaks louder when he is trying to get something out. I’ve assured him that I don’t want an extravagant wedding and that I want to keep it small, delicate and intimate. He’s just fearful that he will mess up our day and feel embarrassed.

I don’t know how else to reassure him.

I know that from all of the problems above that this doesn’t sound like an ideal relationship. But I’m confident that we are ok .. We’ve never seen a councillor or gone to anyone for advice on our relationship. We’ve been together through thick and thin and still came out fighting on the other side. I truly feel that we have got over everything that used to be a problem, we have cut a lot of people out of our lives and realised who wishes us well and who was out to break us down, we laugh so much and even joke about what we used to be like. We feel that our time apart and how low we felt when we were apart has made us so much more positive and strong as a couple.

The truth is .. We’re truly in love.

I just wish he’d stop panicking about what other people will think of him on ‘the big day’, I want him to get over this before we start planning even more. I want him to stop feeling nervous and getting clammy hands when we speak about it. He’s even worried about upsetting people when he chooses a best man. I want him to just enjoy the day with me, I don’t want this to be stressful for him before it’s even started. How else can I help other than talking to him?

We want this to be a lovely day to remember for the rest of our lives, not a day for nerves and worry. Any advice or comments will be much appreciated.

Thanks you for reading girls and guys xxx