I really wish I hadn’t gone through with my marriage. I’m a South Indian girl who grew up in an upper-middle-class family in a small town in South India. My marriage was arranged, with the usual steps of matching horoscopes, parents meeting, and the couple meeting. However, after getting married, my husband showed no interest in me physically. Even after six months, I was still a virgin because he never initiated anything. Eventually, I mustered the courage to confront him and ask what the issue was – was he gay? Did we need to see a doctor? He insisted he was normal, but our attempts at intimacy were unpleasant due to his hurry, causing me a lot of pain. I decided it wasn’t worth it and didn’t press further.

A year into our marriage, my parents started pressuring us for grandchildren. When I conveyed this to my husband, he suggested we have a baby. Our attempts at intimacy for the sake of conceiving were not enjoyable, but I ended up getting pregnant. It’s baffling to me how it happened in just one unsatisfactory encounter when so many couples struggle to conceive. We now have a son who is four years old, but we’ve never been intimate again. My husband believes his duty as a husband is fulfilled, and he’s content with his life. We live in the same house but in separate bedrooms. When I suggested seeking help for his intimacy issues, he got defensive and verbally abused me.

Despite being an attractive woman, he accuses me of not being good-looking enough to attract him. He provides for me financially, fulfills my material requests, but he has never fulfilled my physical desires and has crushed my dreams in a harsh manner. Coming from a conservative family, I lack the courage to share these issues or end the marriage. I despise my husband, but I pretend everything is normal on the outside. He also acts as if everything is fine, and I’m uncertain about his thoughts on the matter. I deeply regret marrying him and staying married to him.