She worries that I am not sexually attracted to her. I fear it’s due to my porn watching habits before marriage
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.My wife and I got married last November. We both are virgins. Whenever I try to penetrate her, I lose my erection. I then satisfy her by using my fingers. I am able to make my penis erect during masturbation, but when I try to have sex with her it, I lose the hardness. She worries that I am not sexually attracted to her. I fear it’s due to my porn watching habits before marriage. Please help us.
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Your problem appears to be purely ‘situational’. This is good news, as it is easily treatable. For most normal men, the demand to perform sexually, whether self-inflicted or from outside, affects the sexual response and that in turn affects the erection. The fact that you can easily get an erection during masturbation is a sign that physiologically, you are quite normal. The reason you do not get a potent erection when you are about to penetrate, is due to “performance anxiety”. As rightly suspected by you, porn watching may have contributed to your performance anxiety. Remember, physically, your body works perfectly normally when you do not experience performance anxiety. Once you accept that, chill out and be patient with your sexual responses, they will surely return to normalcy – the more relaxed and unperturbed you stay. Try and distract yourself from thinking about your erection by recalling something arousing. For example, whenever you get intimate, don’t haste into penetration. During foreplay, focus mainly on pleasuring her. As this is arousing to a majority of men, you would develop a good erection and then you can transition to intercourse. Telling your wife about your problem will also help. Once she knows about your anxiety, ideally, she should be patient and encouraging to you. Over time, pressure for you to perform will be subdued if you take your time and keep the above in mind.