Should I (29F) file for a separation with my husband?
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Should i file for a separation with my 31M husband? Things are bad and I don’t want them to keep getting worse.
I recently got married and things are not great already. I feel my partner is abusive and doesn’t give enough for the relationship to work. We have been living together for two years and he moved to the US for me. He is not able to get a job and things are financially dependent on me. He has been lying to our family and friends that he works to save his male ego. I am paying for the everything- rent, our food, his shopping, travel for the last two years and feeling burned out now. i have started to feel like he is not even trying his best to get a job and simply wants to chill all day watching Netflix anf YouTube. After working 9 to 5, he expects me to do everything else. He loves cooking so he cooks 70% of the time and that’s his only contribution towards the household chores. Never does the dishes or cleans after cooking too.
Even after all of this, he always complaints about everything. He is not grateful about anything in life. He is a very aggressive person and yells at me in front in people for stupid things. He gets mad at me about small small things and always keeps telling me that my attitude towars him and everyone around us has changed since I’m making more money. He never apologizes if he ever hurts my feelings. He never leaves a chance to belittle me. I do things from him selflessly. Sometimes i go above and beyond to make him happy but it always backfires in some or the other way. I am tired of living like this and don’t know what to do! Sometimes i regret marrying him.
Today was weird!! We were watching a reality tv show and there was this woman who was a little extra. She was a little annoying with her presence and potrayed some arrogance when communicating. While we were watching the episode, my husband made sure that he was not liking her with his very rude comments. However after the episode he said that the woman was like me. I felt so bad that I don’t have words to describe it. I hate that he finds new ways to disappoint whereas the only thing I expect from him is support! I have never asked anything from him, not even a cake on my birthday! I always keep telling him that i am happy with him. I constantly remind him that us being happy together is everything for me and money and materialistic things do not matter but he is always so mean towards me. I don’t know what to do! Can’t talk to anyone about this because our friends and family think everything’s perfect.
Answers ( 3 )
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He can work in a store for sometime, pull some networking and do any nonprofit work for community as well. Moving for you to US is not a great deal, nor cooking or bed time tea. And this has been two years for him. What a resting period!
Possible to check visa terms and get a return ticket for him? Maybe the distance and independence will make him realize something?
If he cant reduce the cost of living or tensions, why keep the load. Have seen couple of my senior women doing that, until they had a baby. Husbands should be of some good use beyond cooking and baby making skills. Probably you will be the one paying to expedite his I140/H4 EAD. Lucky guy, he didnt have to pay dowry to move to US on basis of a lady.
He should be grateful to get such rest and support you in your pursuits, than complaining. You have already done enough of support. Dont break right away, let him go back to India and add some support. Once the EAD is processed, see how he shares the load. Was it similar when you two were in India? Or never had the chance?
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The inability to get employed can be pretty debilitating to people. Especially if you’re Indian, and everyone expects you to be the responsible breadwinner. It’s not just the Indian society but globally this is the de facto expectation of men.
There was a point in time I behaved differently because of how this affected me, it unraveled me and I’m fairly certain that it really fucked with my behavior. It’s only because I’m fairly confident in my own abilities and am willing to build on my own ideas that I’m able to hold it together.
OP, there are a couple of things your husband is doing, you need to make it very clear that you feel disrespected in this relationship and that if he’s not willing to goto a counselor, you would need to end the relationship.
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come on lady !! you are finacially independent
if you not happy in your marriage then simply separate
select a right person who you give all pleasure