Sorry I posted this update in the wrong sub. Here we go. My wife and I calmed down on Sunday to discuss this mess. I had been avoiding her all week until I could get my head around it. We took a drive in the car, something we like to do for like 3 hours. My wife started out apologizing for how she presented this to me. She had been rehearsing on what to say. When it came time to inform me it just spilled out of her mouth all wrong. She wanted to bring up now that kids are grown and on their own, she would like us to make changes in our lives. She went on about not having other sexual partners etc. What she wanted to propose was that we have an open relationship, where we both would seek out others.
I told her that I would not , could not do this. I reminded her of the vows before God, family and friends we took on fidelity. I told her how she had violated the trust that I had for her. Look I understand what she is feeling. I know she wants new experiences. I told her our plan as we had discussed many times in the past, once the kids were out that we would travel a bit. Maybe take up new hobbies, maybe some education classes etc. We never had a discussion about this.
I told her because of the breach of trust and her steadfastly stating she is going to do this I was seeing a lawyer Tuesday to start divorce proceedings. At this point if she said she would not go thru with this I do not think I could not think she could be cheating at some point. That is where the trust comes in. I think divorce is proper, she can do her thing no guilt can be associated. I think equal division of assests, I expect to make no support payments, did not know if it was a thing in our state, its not. We will have to sell the house and each downsize. We actually had a good talk. Papers are being drawn. We hope to get through this by fall.
I did talk to each kid individually, explained we are going seperate ways. Did not mention the lifestyle change. They can talk to their mom themselves. I will always love my wife. I will take the high road. I know many of you wanted scortched earth but I can not do that, its not me. I do want to address a couple comments someone posted on the update on the other sub. They thought I was trying to manipulate her into staying by using the marriage vows. I got to say that my religious up bringing has set my morals that I live by. This works for me. There are some that say its the 21st century no one lives that way anymore. There are many things I see others do and say that I do not agree with, but I do not try to impose my morals on them and conversly you should not denigrate what I believe. Remember my wife and I believed the same for close to 30 years, only recently has she made a change. I never held her down she was always free to chose. I believe in God and believe in my vows before him. Sorry enough soap box.
Last I want to thank all of your kind replies. I was overwhelmed. I only wish I could have replied to each and everyone. Thank you for letting me talk this out.