Why is my wife raking up this old issue of flirting?
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I happened to flirt on Facebook with a girl living thousands of miles away. This happened 3 years ago. My wife hasn’t forgiven me since then, inspite of me requesting her many, many times to forgive me and I promised never to hurt her again. I have kept my promise.
I spite of all this, she is still doing ” Dirty fighting” to win any new conflict by shouting and cursing me and starts talking about the mentioned incident. We have sex as before but she refuses to kiss me after my mistake.
We both are U.S. citizens and live there but are of Indian origin. I really love her and she keeps constantly shouting about divorce. I am a very caring husband and dad and have never tried alcohol or smoking. I am highly educated and well placed. We both are in our 40s.
How can I get her to stop this “dirty fighting”?
Answers ( 2 )
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Do not ask over for forgiveness anymore as you have done it adequately. Honestly, say sorry, do mean it and leave the matter there. Do not give any important to her thereafter. The more you give important to her she will seek more attention from you. I failed to understand her behavior as I do think that she has something else in her mind and she is taking advantage of your weak point to make you feel guilty. If you really want to solve your unfortunate problem then ask her that, you are free to take any decision. I am sure she is intimidating you by asking for a divorce. It is also strange that she allows you to have sex but at the same time does not indulge in kissing. To seek professional help to solve this query is not bad idea.
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hi there,
you should add the details about the girl you were “flirting” with ,do you know her in real life or what ?
it seems either your wife is a freak or she is having some other problem, i’ll go with the later because if she was not right in the head you would have noticed it by now.
about the problem,it could be in the relationship,in her professional life,may be due to extra pressure that comes with kids,possessiveness,aging(some women take it very seriously)-inferiority complex or even an extra marital affair!!!
so basically there is a high chance of misplaced anger.
you need to identify the root cause instead of just taking it on its face value and calling it “dirty fighting”.
you present your situation with a slant, presenting yourself as a caring,credible and honest husband/man placing a bias in other people’s mind suggesting that it might be that you posted the question just to reassure yourself that your wife is the problem.
it is your life and you have to decide how to lead it.ask yourself if you have done anything after that incident to make her doubt you -if yes,then she is never going to trust you again. if no,then you need to make sure she understands your commitment as she is doing this only out of jealously and blow that you delivered to her love and faith.
one thing that you should sure do is sit down with her when you both are having a good time and are having a emotional buffer and try to resolve it . i had conflict management as a subject in my graduation and the first rule of conflict management is resolving a problem as soon as possible after some time the problem can not be resolved and new issues emerge out of it while the main issue takes a back seat. so whatever you want to do,do it timely .
best of luck ,
honey.