Why is my wife’s behaviour different when she is with her brother-in-law?
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Hi,
I am a married male. I have one elder sister. She is also married. I got married 1 year back. Now we have shifted to the same city where my sister and her husband live. Both hoses are at a short distance from each other. Recently I have observed some change in my wife’s behaviour.
My brother-in-law (sister’s husband) often cracks non-veg jokes when my wife is sitting and looks at my wife for reaction. He also puts some non-veg remarks at her in the presencce of all 4 of us. My sister and her husband often asks my wife to download C – grade movies and then laughs at this issue.
After all these happenings,my wife’s behaviour has changed towards me. e.g: She used to have food with me in the same plate. but now she makes excuses to do that everytime. Many things like that in general life are happening. She also opposes and criticise me with day-to-day things and work.
In short, she does not behaves as she used to before coming to the new city. She also cheers up when my brother-in-law comes. She is not that happy even if i take leave or am present at home on weekends. I have doubts if my wife and my brother-in-law are going for something bad (you got the meaning right) like extra-maritial affair?
I am living in stress as i am not able to confront the issue. Please friends help me to understand whats going on in my married life.
Answers ( 3 )
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Your description suggests that there is something fussy between two but you cannot blame your wife or your sister’s husband just because you have an intuition about their extra marital affair. Before blaming your wife, you need to gather solid evidences to prove your claim as it is very sensitive matter and would disturb your married life so act wisely. However, you can show your annoyance that you do not like all this.
If you think that and it would be an effective then talk to your sister regarding your concern but prior to talk to her take her into confidence as she may also react another way. If possible then shift your house so she or he cannot meet often in your absence (I presume they meet). If it is not possible to shift then just chat with your wife about your idea to shift house with valid reason and see her reaction as her reaction will tell you many things. I personally feel that they are in extra marital affairs (I wish I am wrong).
Best of luck
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Do not ever doubt your loved ones until you get some concrete proof that something fishy is going on. From the description you have given it is clear that your wife finds you bit clumsy and wants you smarter, wittier etc. So it is a challenge for you.It also seems that your brother in law could be smarter than you and she is comparing both of you. She has not told this upfront to you because she knows it would hurt your male ego .
But sub cautiously indeed she is comparing you both and he weighs heavy. So better change yourself. start with keeping good hygiene. Then buy the cloths of latest trend .Not necessarily branded ones or costly ones but smart enough. Use mouth fresheners ,deodorants, perfumes if possible. You can start having a bath twice a day. Start exercise .It would build your over all stamina including sex Start reading a good newspaper completely and keep yourself up with the latest happenings and you can use that knowledge while interacting with them when you all sit together .
Do not be sulking puppy. Fight back.
In the first place i do not think your wife is unfaithful to you or having an affair with that man. Its your paranoia . So to abate your doubts you can keep close eye on the duo. But if you keep doubting her, her every action would become doubtful to you. So have a clean, clear, balanced mind.
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Dear Rajwalia,
a) Leave about eating in the same plate. It may look cool and romantic to you but not anymore. That’s nothing to worry about, unless it’s something like eating cookies or chips from the same plate and she’s trying to make a big fuss about it..it’s something to think about for later.
b) The very next time you take a day off from office, make plans for the next day like taking her out to lunch/dinner, movies, some grocery shopping or whatever you both have been postponing from the past few days. She may want to throw tantrums at you, but deep down, she might wanna go and relax.
c) About that brother in law…it’s human nature to try to impress new people who have entered our lives and he is leaving no stone unturned in whatever way it is possible. It is however sad that he uses sex jokes to achieve that. The very next time why don’t you pull out some non veg jokes when you are at his house or they are at your house. See hoe it turns out.
d) Signs that she is drifting away or already having an affair are- she is no longer as needy for sex as before, she no longer gets angry when you are late for lunch or don’t wanna meet her friends etc which can be a sign that she doesn’t care anymore, she is being secretive, she is showering you with compliments for no reason.
There’s no need to get paranoid and suspicious if she’s exhibiting any of the signs you have a cheating wife. If you think her recent behavior isn’t adding up or you catch her lying, do not accuse her of cheating. Think about whether or not she’s given you a reason to suspect her of two-timing you, or whether it’s your imagination running wild because you’re afraid of losing her.
If you think she may be cheating, approach her but don’t bring up the cheating. Ask her if everything is OK, and tell her that she’s been acting different lately. Give her examples of how her behavior has changed, and tell her that you want to know and understand if there’s a reason for it.
Last but not the least, MAN UP AND GROW SOME BALLS.
The very next time he tries to pull some sex jokes again, just say ” not now or not again” or “not when my sister/wife is around”. That should be a direct slap in the face, although it might make you look like a party pooper but who cares…it’s your marriage against his.
Please let us know of what happened next after all these suggestions. It would be like a blue print book for us.