Should Donor be a family member or an unknown person?
ReportQuestion
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Hi,
As I can not discuss this with any one from my family thought to ask in AA hoping with valuable suggestions or guidance.
I have been married for last 7 yr.
Because of sperm count problem I can not become father. (I have done all the tests and treatments in last 6 years with negative result)
As obvious reason we want child but as I can not become father options I have as below.
1. Adopt child
2. Artificial insemination
My wife do not want to go with option 1 as she want to become mother of her own child instead of adopting child.
so we left with second option AI, here starts my confusion. whether we should get it done through unknown donor or should seek help from some from family member or relative whom we already know.
My wife is ready for both situation till it is done through AI [as time running and after few years she may also have complications and it may be difficult to get pregnant though AI too ] however I am totally confused that I should get it done through unknown person where I will be keep thinking for my whole life about the person whose child i am bringing up and. Also I believe in religion and I think blood impact/nature/habits/IQ will inharit from unknown person whom i dont know.
Another side if I get it done through my family member or relative [which looks fine to me as of now as I will be atleast knowing that child is from our family and I will be also knowing about donors habit/nature] but dont know Consequences of that situation as person whom we choose as donor will know that he is bio-logical father of our child. he may make problems in future.
I am very depressed and not able to take any decision. I am not sure which option is correct or wrong. I dont know if an option which is looking right as of now would become biggest mistake of my life or not. I hope AA readers will understand that how sensitive this situation is for me and will give suggestions whether I should get it done from family member or unknown person. Please give answers with you valid reasons. Also let me know if I may face any future issue with said options.
Thanks
Answers ( 3 )
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
I understand your problem, for you, the simple solution is to go ahead with a sperm donar from a reputed place. Dont go ahead with family members, not that you will face probable issues later, just dont go ahead.
In Homar’s Odyssey, there is a mention of a family living in an island who donot allow any outsiders. They would have marriage and children within the same family only because they knew everyone of the family was intelligent and higher in everyway then others, so they ddnot want any outside blood. It was an epic where Homer added some of his genetic science here, in fact that doesnot always happen. Again, when there are some patient within the family who are mentally challanged or suicidal or pshizophrenic, that also runs within the same family. Its better to avoid family members if there is history.
I dont know where you live and the AI process, but I can talk about all the advanced countries where the donar fills out a form mentioning different criteria and non disclosure clauses. They wouldnot know where the baby is, nor the receiver will know whom it is from. Its just a serial number with required info. Info like age, height weight, ethnicity. Then goes to detail like, smoker, alcoholic, family istory on heart attack/diabetics/mental disorder, special interest like music, poem, sports, doctors/lawyers in family etc etc. People can chose from there.
On the future of asking any custody issue being a biological father, the law is in your hand. The law says if a wife gets pregnant when there is a valid marriage, the father of the child is the husband. To explain more, in Delhi court a verdict was given in favour of the father when the lady was having extra marital affair and the child’s father was someone else. That was proven with DNA, but the court said, due to the wedlock at time of conception, the father will be the husband only, no matter who the biological father is.
So get off all the tension, find the right place and get her AI. Leave out family members, find the right one for you.
By the way, for future reference, select the donar’s blood group correctly. Dont go for anyone you want. We human has a twist in our blood, if the man has one group and the wife has another, there is a table what can be the possible groups and what are the impossible groups for the child. You dont want your child to question you in future on this, right?
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Why should you be depressed? We are here to advise you!
Insemination is the entry of semen in vagina or cervix of women by any other method other then sexual intercourse. Semen is usually entered into women’s vagina through male donor or through introducing a syringe.
Those who donate sperms through sperm banks do not have any kind of legal responsibilities for new born child produced from his donated sperms.
Women can also choose any member from her family as a sperm donor. Another option is to use a surrogate to bear a child using eggs provided by the women and from another sperm donor.
The major reason why couples have to choose, is because of infertility problem which is found both in men and women. Some women have to take this treatment when she has allergy from her partner’s sperm.
Don’t forget to consult your family doctor before going to choose sperm donors or taking the treatment of insemination, as he knows very well about your physical condition. Sometimes it gives result on very first try while some unlucky couples have to wait for a long time and even after that they don’t get any good result. So it is better to discuss about it with your partner beforehand.
In most cases, sperm is obtained from an unknown donor. The arrangement with donors is kept in strict secrecy and it is impossible to connect a donor with a reciprient since records are never established. At the beginning of the insemination process, both the husband and wife have to sign a consent form. The child will be treated by law as if it is the husband’s natural child.
The final choice will by yours and your wife’s. The Hospital will provide a Councillor, if you have more doubts.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
I think, it’d be better if the donor is in no way related to you to avoid any sorts of complications in the future. As much as you dream to have a child produced by someone in your religion or within your community to make sure the genetic habits are as same as you, I don’t think it’d work out well. Despite the genes, children do change with proper upbringing. They’d learn to get accustomed to your traditions, values etc…….
When you visit a sperm donor clinic, you can observe that they keep their client information very confidential. They wouldn’t disclose either party’s information to others to avoid the parties meeting each other. This way the person who got the child by way of artificial insemination can be assured that the donor would never get in contact with the other party.
When you have a donor within your family, there will be a risk of the donor getting along with your child in the future no matter how much far you keep him, but with someone you do not know, a third party, you wouldn’t face this issue. The sperm donor would never try to look back to whom his sperm has gone once he ejaculates his semen in the container, so this is good if you ask me, the rest is up to you. Even if he decides to trace you, it is practically difficult to trace the person. All you need to take care of is to make sure your child doesn’t know about this truth forever. Don’t let this news of AI to anyone other than your wife, the doctor and yourself.
Don’t over think on this aspect too much, go for a fertility clinic and get it over with. It is said that children have the genes of both the mother and the father, in this case the sperm donor, so who knows whose genes your future child might hold? Have faith in god and proceed further. Good luck to you and your wife.