My wife had an abusive first marriage; I’ve seen the pictures and the police reports. I’ve also seen her school badge. The fact that she wasn’t a teacher isn’t the worst thing; I wouldn’t have cared, but the fact that she’s kept it up the entire dating/marriage is bothersome. I’m a recovering alcoholic and I’ve told her everything, a lot of it I’m not proud of. I’ve been sober for 27 years, lost everything and have made a pretty good comeback. I may have mixed up some years. She was an active school employee when we first started dating in 2013, and probably left the school in 2015. I know I did the Stormy thing the second year into the relationship. She got the house in the divorce. She did tell me she cashed in her entire pension to try and save it, but by then it had been refinanced so deep it had more debt than it was worth, and the bank foreclosed. I helped her get into a house rental, she got another job closer to me, and moved into my apartment in 2017. In 2023 my wife started drawing on her ex’s pension, which is $600 a month.

Like I said, I’ve made a pretty good comeback and was blessed with parents who did even better. Cashing in some “gifting” that I received over the years, I bought a condo, and she and her daughter moved in. The daughter had been verbally and physically abused also, and was a shell of a person. She’s really taken to me, and has told me I’m more of a father than her bio dad ever was. I get Father’s Day cards addressed to “Dad” from both her kids. The son fucked up a couple times, and actually picked up a couple felonies. He did 6 months in 2023, and when he couldn’t find a job, I told everything to HR, and because of my reputation, got him in at my company. He’s doing great there, and appreciates the help. He’s not unintelligent, just does really stupid shit. .

The past year we’ve been having some pretty bad fights, nothing physical, but a lot of cussing and stuff like that. It used to only happen when her daughter wasn’t home, but not anymore. She used to drink a little which we used to argue about, but now she’s become a regular drinker, and that’s when the shit really hits the fan and things get ugly. This Thursday, I could sense a brew-up coming, so I left to cool down. When I got back two hours later, she was gone and both kids were still at our place. I apologized for walking out, and that I don’t like them to see this. The son comes over a couple times a week, and Thursday he was doing laundry. He went down to change loads, and the daughter (30f) told me. Yes, her own daughter told me because she was tired of seeing me treated like shit after everything I’ve done for them. I was stunned. When son came back up, I asked if it was true, and he said it was. They both knew, but were sworn to secrecy. When I said I can’t take this anymore, both of the said they wouldn’t blame me for calling it quits.

My wife has rheumatoid arthritis, very aggressive, and has had multiple surgeries on both hands and feet, with more to come. She can’t type, write or stand for long periods so she has zero income. She’s applied for disability, and she’s working with a disability attorney, but who know if or when that would come through. The daughter kicks in $500 a month.

To be honest, I’ve been miserable for the past 3 years. She’s on some serious medication, and the person who always saw the best in everyone and any situation has become a mean, bitter person. Nothing at all like the one I met and married. She has lost her lust for life, and is severely depressed because she really has nothing; no career, no IRA, no family. I took the verbal abuse, because she has nowhere to go, and no way to pay for it. I was in the same position 27 years ago and thought I was doing the right thing. This revelation on top of everything else has pushed me to my end.

I hate to push her out but my sanity is at stake here. I’ve got my own demons I’m fighting every single day. My job is high pay, but that comes with high stress and responsibilities. I can’t function getting to sleep at 1am, and waking up at 6. There was a pretty big fuckup at work this week, on a project that I head. Not really my fault, but had I been more on top of things, I would have caught it before we pulled the trigger on mass production.

I think I need to take care of me now. I’m 62, make over 100k, no debt, and mid 7 figures in my accounts. I should be living my best life, but I hate every day. My dad died of a heart attack at 64, and I’m two years away from that milestone.

I’m going to wait it out until disability comes through, then file for divorce. Estimated SSI is around 1800 a month. That plus the 600 from the ex’s pension + the daughter’s pay should get them something. Certainly not the lifestyle they’re accustomed to, but survivable. The vast majority of my net worth is from an inheritance, which is not marital property. If SSI doesn’t come through, I’ll offer up a couple hundred thousand in cash then try to move on.

The daughter doesn’t deserve this, but I’m at the “not my problem” mode now. Neither of them will fault me.

Sorry for the long post. I guess I needed to vent. This is marriage #3 for me, so I guess I make dumb decisions too.